October 19, 2019 – DeKalb, Illinois, USA.
“This is such a long way to go for a pumpkin,” said Gabi, who was behind the wheel of her Kia Santa Fe.
“All I’ve seen is corn for like an hour,” added Max, who was sitting up front next to Gabi.
“It hasn’t been that long,” replied Lena, from the backseat. “And, like I’ve told you a hundred times already, it’s the best pumpkin patch on TripAdvisor. They’ve been doing this, for like, fifty years.”
“These pumpkins better be perfect,” said Max. “And have gold sparkles inside when we cut them open.”
“Yeah, that would be cool,” agreed Gabi. “I definitely want a pumpkin with gold sprinkles inside.”
“If anyone’s going to have them, it’s this place,” said Lena. “But it’s not all about the pumpkins. We’ve got to do the corn mazes too.”
“Yeah, for sure. I’m totally down for some corn mazes,” said Gabi.
“Why? All you do is walk around inside a corn field,” said Max. “It’s not like you could actually get lost in one. They build them so that even little kids can find their way out.”
“Not at the place we’re going,” said Lena. “Some people actually get stuck and have to be rescued.”
“Yeah, right,” replied Max skeptically. “Not that if matters. This drive is taking so long, it’ll probably be dark by the time we get there.”
Lena did not say anything in return, but she wanted to remind her friends how they were supposed to have left two hours earlier. Gabi and Max kept texting her, saying they were running late. Lena knew that nothing but procrastination and laziness had held them up. It was the same story every time they planned something on a weekend.
Max acted like they had driven 300 miles instead of 30 when they finally pulled into the pumpkin patch’s dirt parking lot. Walls of hay were stacked around the property to prevent new arrivals from wandering inside without paying the entrance fee. Lena, Gabi, and Max followed the hand-painted signs toward a little shed labeled “Entry.” A line of people was waiting to get in and the friends took their place at the back.
“This is my favorite part of fall and Halloween,” Lena said excitedly. “I feel like I’m in 3rd grade or something. Like we’re at a school carnival.”
“Waiting in line is your favorite part of Halloween?” Max replied sarcastically.
Lena rolled her eyes. “You know what I mean.”
An older couple standing in front of the three friends turned around and smiled brightly. “You here to pick out a pumpkin?” asked a woman dressed in an orange, Halloween-themed sweater.
“No, we’re here to burn the place to the ground,” Max muttered under his breath.
“Yeah, we hear this place has good ones,” said Lena loudly, trying to sound friendly in case the woman heard Max.
“Oh they do,” said the woman. “My husband and I have been coming here for twenty years. This is Doug and I’m Janet.”
Lena introduced Max and Gabi and then did the small talking with Doug and Janet as the line moved closer to the Entry building. When they were almost to the front, Lena pulled up the confirmation code on her phone that showed she had already paid to get in. Janet pulled out several pieces of paper from her purse and presented them to the girl handling admissions.
“I printed off the email I got after I paid,” Janet said to the girl.
“Do you have the code on your phone?” the girl said in reply.
“My phone? How is that supposed to work?” replied Janet in a bewildered voice.
Gabi and Max sighed and rolled their eyes as Janet and Doug tried to convince the admissions girl that they had already paid.
“Can you imagine being alive right now and not knowing how a phone works?” Gabi said to Max, in a not too quiet whisper.
“Can you say ‘helpless’?” Max whispered back.
“They should have separate days and times for old people. Anyone over, like 40,” added Gabi.
“Try more like over 30,” replied Max.
Doug and Janet were eventually allowed through the entry gate. Lena then presented her phone and she and her friends were waved through.
Directly in front of the entrance, sat tables piled with different colored pumpkins for sale. The biggest table contained orange pumpkins, but customers could also choose green pumpkins, white pumpkins, tan pumpkins, and pumpkins which had grotesque looking bumps and nodules growing on their skin.
“I thought you said we get to pick our pumpkin, like out in the field,” said Gabi, after seeing the piles.
“You can,” replied Lena. “These must be for people who don’t want to go to the trouble.”
“Imagine going to a pumpkin patch just to pick your pumpkin from a big stack. You might as well go to the supermarket,” said Max.
“Well, let’s not worry about getting pumpkins yet. Let’s first do the mazes,” said Lena. “That way, we’re not carrying pumpkins around.”
“Yeah, good call,” said Gabi. “We’ll follow you.”
Large signs pointed either left toward the fields of pumpkins or right toward the corn mazes. It became obvious on the way to the mazes that there were three to choose from, classified as hard, medium, and easy. The hard one required the longest walk.
“Oh, we gotta do the hard one,” said Gabi.
“Agreed,” said Max.
“Okay, but let’s hurry. We’ve gotta save some time for picking pumpkins,” said Lena, who had been trying to get her friends to move at something faster than a stroll.
“Don’t worry about it,” replied Max. “It’ll only take us a few minutes and then we’ll be rolling around in pumpkins.”
When the threesome reached the starting point for the hard maze, a teenage boy was handing out paper maps and providing instructions.
“What are these for?” asked Gabi, taking one of the maps.
“They’re an overhead picture of the maze. They help you find your way out,” answered the teenager.
“You think we really need one?” asked Max in mock seriousness.
“Probably,” the teenager replied matter-of-factly. “If you get stuck and it gets dark, turn on your phone’s flashlights and wave them around. We’ll come get you.”
Max laughed like the teenager was making a joke. Then he took a selfie with Gabi in front of the entrance to the maze. He refused to go any farther until Lena joined them for another shot.
Once all the necessary pictures had been taken, the threesome marched along the walking path that had been cut into the rows of cornstalks. They were immediately confronted with the choice of continuing to the right or the left.
“I’ve been through a million of these things,” said Gabi. “If you always go right, it’ll take you around the edge and out.”
“Are you sure?” asked Lena.
“Trust me, they’re all the same,” said Gabi.
Max appeared to agree with Gabi and they took off toward the right, now laughing and moving at almost a jog. Lena had no choice but to follow behind them.
For the first ten minutes, the “go right” plan seemed to be working. Each time the path curved or reached a T-junction, there was always a right turn to follow. Max and Gabi stopped to take more selfies along the way. The pictures showed them surrounded by tall, dried cornstalks in every direction. They ripped cobs of bright orange corn from the stalks and threw them at each other.
“If you get hungry, you can have all the corn you want,” yelled Gabi.
Max gingerly took a bite of the hard orange kernels and spit them out. “Yuck. What kind of corn is this?” he said in disgust.
The walk through the corn was fun and carefree until the path they were following simply stopped. In front of them was a wall of cornstalks.
“Uh, Gabi. There’s no right turn,” said Max.
“Hmm. We must have gone the wrong way at that last turn,” said Gabi.
“We’ve always gone to the right,” said Lena. “Like you said.”
“Maybe this maze is a little different. Let’s just backtrack. We’ll take a left and then a right again,” said Gabi.
“Wait, are you sure?” asked Max.
“The basic idea is to keep heading toward the right so it takes you in a circle.” Gabi did not sound very confident in her explanation, but she began walking and Max and Lena followed.
After backtracking to their last turn at a T-junction, they took the alternate direction and then two more right turns. Again, they hit a dead end.
“I don’t think this is working,” said Max.
“You got any better ideas?” demanded Gabi, in frustration.
“Maybe we should have taken all left turns,” replied Max.
“I don’t think it’s that simple,” said Lena. “This is supposed to be the hard maze, remember?”
“I say we go back where we came from and try the left turn thing,” said Max.
“Fine. Go ahead. You lead the way,” replied Gabi.
Max backtracked and took a few left turns with Gabi and Lena following. They reached a point they thought they recognized. It was a four-way junction and they could go straight, left or right. They began to argue about their next move and even the direction from which they had come.
“I’m going this way,” insisted Max. “You can follow me or not.” He walked away in an angry huff.
“We shouldn’t separate,” called Lena. “Max, you can’t go off on your own!”
He kept walking and Lena and Gabi felt obligated to follow. They trudged along in silence making one random turn after another. Max finally stopped at another dead end. He buried his head in his chest regretfully.
“I’m sorry. I have no idea where we are or what to do next,” Max said, pitifully.
Lena looked up trying to spot some kind of landmark, but eight-foot-tall cornstalks grew in every direction. It was like they had been swallowed up into a world where corn ruled and all other humans had disappeared.
“What about the sun?” suggested Lena, with a sudden burst of inspiration. “We can still see the sun. We could follow it.”
Gabi and Max looked up discouragingly at the rapidly setting sun. “What if that takes us in the totally wrong direction?” said Gabi. “Maybe I should find us on Google Maps.” She pulled out her phone and tried to find a view of their location. “It shows us in a cornfield,” she said bitterly. “Just a regular cornfield without any maze. Thanks Google, that’s real helpful.”
“They should have some sort of app that leads you out,” said Max. “It knows where you are and tells you to turn left or right. Did you see anything like that when you bought the tickets?”
“No,” replied Lena. “But we’ve got this.” She pulled out the paper map the teenager handed them at the maze’s entrance.
The trio stared down at the overhead picture of the maze and wondered where they might be standing.
“I think we’re right here,” said Gabi, pointing to a spot on the map. “Look, if we go back and then make a turn, we’ll almost be in the center. We might as well try.”
Gabi pulled the map out of Lena’s hands and held it in front of her as she again led the way down the open paths among the cornstalks. When a turn she was expecting was not there, she flipped the map upside down and tried a different direction. After five more frustrating intersections, she threw the map to the ground and stomped on it.
“This is useless. How is anyone supposed to follow it?” cried Gabi. She dropped to the ground next to the map in a defeated lump. “What are we gonna do, you guys?”
“It’s definitely getting darker,” said Lena. “Pretty soon we’re not going to be able to see anything.”
Max dropped into the dirt next to Gabi. “We’re never getting out of here. We’re seriously going to die in this maze. We don’t have any water and nothing but this hard corn to eat.”
Lena could not help laughing a little at Max’s dramatics. “I guess we could always call 911,” she suggested.
“The cops would probably arrest us for being stupid,” said Gabi.
“That kid did say we could hold up our phone lights and they’d rescue us,” said Lena.
Max immediately grabbed his phone, turned on its light, and held it over his head. “We’re here! Over here! Come get us!” he called.
Gabi did not hold up her phone, but she began calling like Max. “Help! We’re over here! Help us!”
“Shush! Shut up!” yelled Lena. “I think I hear someone.”
There were unmistakable calls of “Hello?” and “Who’s there?” from somewhere out in the corn. Gabi and Max yelled louder until the voices got closer and closer. Emerging from a row of cornstalks, Doug and Janet appeared.
“Well, hello there!” called Janet. “You folks need some help?”
“We’re lost!” cried Max and Gabi, like they have been abandoned in the woods by their parents.
“Do you guys know how to get out?” called Lena.
“Yep, I think so,” replied Doug, holding up his paper map. “We’re right here and the exit is over there.” Doug pointed to two different spots on the map.
“Can we follow you?” asked Lena.
“Well sure,” replied Doug. “Glad to help.”
The trio watched in amazement as Doug and Janet held out the map and predicted which turns were coming and then charted a course out of the maze. Doug spoke confidently about where they were and how much longer it would take. Max, Gabi, and Lena mostly stayed quiet and made sure the older people did not leave their sight.
All five explorers exited the maze after the sun had set. Doug joked about getting out just in time. The younger trio were too mentally exhausted to find anything funny as they trudged along the path that led to civilization.
When they came in sight of the little shed used for admissions, Doug said with a grin, “I think you can probably find your way out from here.”
“What about pumpkins?” cried Lena. “Janet, aren’t you and Doug getting pumpkins?”
“We already picked ours out and took them to the car,” replied Janet. “We saved the maze for last. But I think they have pumpkins you can choose from near the exit.”
“Oh yeah, those,” said Lena, with a disappointed voice.
She and her friends ended up sifting through the table of orange pumpkins, using their phone lights to pick out the best ones. When they paid for them and carried them out to their car, the parking lot was practically empty.
“At least we never had to call the police,” said Lena, trying to look for something positive to say.
“My pumpkin better have gold sparkles inside,” said Max.
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