Perfect Job Interviewer
PERFECT JOB INTERVIEWER – April 13, 2024 – Jacksonville, Florida, USA
When it came to his job hunt, Simon Scherwinski could not catch a break. He had interviewed for many IT positions after being laid off, but continued to be told he did not have the right experience. He suspected he was doing something wrong during his interviews. He landed his first job out of college with coaching from a school career counselor. Now that he was far removed from graduation, he did not know where to turn for advice. He complained a lot to his mom.
“I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. It must be something,” he said with a moan after his latest unsuccessful interview.
“I’ve been asking around to find out what you should do,” Simon’s mom replied.
“Who have you been asking?”
“Friends. Most of my friends know people looking for jobs. I’ve got a friend named Jennifer who has a super successful niece. Her niece has gotten every job she’s ever interviewed for.”
“What does that have to do with me?”
“Her name is Kelsey, and according to her Aunt Jennifer, she’s super sweet and willing to help people with their careers.”
“So she had a job for me?”
“I don’t know about that, but she could help improve your interviewing. That’s what you want, don’t you?”
“I can’t ask some random person for that kind of help.”
“Why not? Jennifer says Kelsey is very helpful. Just tell her that Jennifer sent you.”
Simon and his mom argued about whether it was socially acceptable, and if he had the courage, to reach out to Kelsey. His mom insisted he had nothing to lose and was foolish to ignore the offer. In a clear measure of his desperation level, he broke down and sent Kelsey an email message. He began by mentioning her Aunt Jennifer and apologizing for encroaching on Kelsey’s time.
“I hear you are a master at job interviews. I would love to hear any advice you can share because I’m not very good at all.”
Kelsey responded to the message right away and sounded happy to share her experience. She confirmed that she received an offer for every job for which she interviewed and was now a senior executive at a Jacksonville company. She offered three simple “rules for interviewing”: 1. Be your authentic self; 2. Remember success is all about your attitude, not your resume and experience; 3. Ask for the moon.
Kelsey’s suggestions were unlike anything Simon had heard. He wondered if they worked with technical positions. The IT jobs he sought demanded specific certifications. Employers wanted to know what systems he ran and how large of a network he could configure. If he was not qualified, why would his attitude matter and how could he ask for a high salary?
“Are you sure this kind of advice applies to technical jobs?” Simon wrote back to Kelsey.
“Absolutely. It applies to any job. I’m living proof,” Kelsey wrote back.
“I guess I just don’t have the right confidence or attitude,” Simon replied. “When I’m in an interview, all I can think about is how my skills aren’t good enough. Any practical advice on how you project a winning attitude?”
“It’s a little hard to explain over email,” Kelsey wrote. “Better done in person. I’m happy to give feedback on a practice interview if you come to my office.”
The offer left Simon happily surprised and he quickly responded that he could be available any time she had an opening in her schedule. She sent back a time and an address. “Report at the reception desk on the ground floor. I’ll leave details on where you can find me.”
Two days later, Simon drove to a part of the city dominated by new real estate developments. The five-story building where he was to meet Kelsey was covered in so much reflecting glass, it resembled a rectangular disco ball. Simon walked into the lobby wearing business-casual slacks and a polo shirt. Busy employees wearing suit jackets and badges power-walked to and from a bank of elevators.
Simon tiptoed over the polished granite floor and past a bronze statue collection to reach a long counter, behind which sat a man wearing a security uniform.
“I’m here to see Kelsey Johansen,” Simon said, almost apologetically.
“Right. Ms. Johansen said she was expecting someone.” The security man handed Simon a bright red badge marked VISITOR. “Take the elevator to the 5th floor. Room 510. You can’t miss it. She’ll meet you there.”
Simon boarded an elevator car with three people in suits who had real employee badges. He felt underdressed and out of place. The other passengers exited before the 5th floor. When Simon got off the elevator, Room 510 was only a short walk to his right. The room’s door was open, and he peeked inside to find a conference room containing twelve mesh-backed chairs around a single wooden table. No one was around so Simon slinked inside and sat in a chair facing the doorway. He swiveled to catch a glimpse of the mini-fridge and coffee maker on the far end of the room and the outside trees visible through the room’s wall of windows.
When Simon imagined meeting Kelsey for the first time, he pictured her looking and acting like the career counselor who had helped him during college. She was like a strict grandmother who wanted to feed you cookies, but only after you ate all your vegetables.
Simon kept his eye on the doorway, and without warning, the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen slipped inside. She was exceptionally tall and wore a form-fitting skirt that stopped mid-thigh. With her straight blonde hair, she looked like she had been accidently diverted from a fashion show runway.
“Uh, I was told to wait in here,” Simon said, stumbling over an explanation for being in the room. “I’m supposed to meet Kelsey Johansen.”
The woman smiled and held out one of her tanned, slender arms. “Yes, I’m Kelsey. You must be Simon.”
Simon should have immediately stood up and rushed over to shake her hand, but he was too awestruck to move. Kelsey ended up inching closer to him until he weakly raised a limp limb.
“You, uh, you aren’t what I was expecting,” Simon said as Kelsey took a seat across from him.
“What were you expecting?”
“Well, I dunno. Maybe someone a little older. Aren’t you a senior executive around here?”
“I’m the Vice President for emerging markets.”
“Sounds really important. You probably shouldn’t take any time with me.”
“No, I’m happy to help. You know my Aunt Jennifer, right?”
Simon remained completely entranced, hardly believing someone so beautiful sat so close and breathed the same air. Any words leaking from his mouth were produced using only a tiny fraction of his conscious thought. “Uh, yeah, Jennifer. My mom knows her.”
“And you’ve had trouble with multiple job interviews.”
“Trouble. Uh huh.”
“You seem nervous. Is this how you feel during actual interviews?”
“Nervous, yes. I’m more nervous than ever.”
Kelsey smiled warmly and appeared genuinely interested in helping. She suggested going through her three “rules for interviewing,” and Simon nodded his dumbfounded head. Kelsey launched wholeheartedly into a speech about believing in yourself and how attitudes are contagious.
Simon caught every third word as he stared at Kelsey’s shimmering teeth. If she had ordered him to throw himself through the conference room window, he would have gladly done it simply to please her. If he had jobs to hand out, she could have any one she wanted at any salary. A little thought bubble opened deep in Simon’s brain and kept inflating. If it did not pop, it would grow big enough to make him cynically smile. Inside the bubble floated this obvious conclusion: She gets everything she wants because of her looks.
“Are you ready to practice talking about your job history with an attitude boost?” Kelsey asked Simon after finishing her pep talk.
“Uh, well, I don’t know if the attitude and confidence stuff is going to work for me like it does for you.”
“Why wouldn’t it?”
“When someone who looks like you says something, it sounds different than when it comes from someone who looks like me.”
“What does that mean?”
“When I look at you, I want to give you anything you ask for. No one thinks that about me.”
Kelsey’s smile disappeared and her eyes grew fierce. “You think I’m handed everything because I look a certain way? You couldn’t be more wrong. I do my job better than anyone else could. I work twice as hard sometimes just to prove to people like you that I’m more than a body and a face.”
Simon would have felt embarrassed no matter who delivered the rebuke. Voiced by Kelsey, it left him shriveled like a raisin. “I’m sorry! I don’t know what I’m saying. This is why I’m not good at interviews. My brain shuts off. I’m sure you’re great at your job.”
“You aren’t the first to accuse me of getting ahead on my looks. I guess I’m sensitive about it.” Kelsey’s expression relaxed. “But I’m not going to hold it against you. And I do think some practice would be good for you.”
Simon weakly said, “Okay,” feeling terrible that he had so quickly stereotyped Kelsey. She was obviously kind-hearted and selfless. It was not her fault that people like him were so superficial. If she believed she got her jobs based on her work ethic and strong personality, he would take her word for it.
Suddenly, Kelsey became distracted by something outside the conference room. She stood up and said, “Our CEO is walking this way. Let me introduce you.”
“Please don’t go to any trouble. I’m no one important.”
“It’s no trouble. And you should remember that everyone’s important.”
In a quick move, Kelsey stepped outside the conference room and waved down a passing man wearing a gray suit with a neat handkerchief tucked in the front pocket. He looked fit and tan and like he was about to accept an award in front of a large audience of fans.
Kelsey turned to the man and said, “Daddy, I’d like you to meet Simon. He knows Aunt Jennifer.”
Simon suppressed a smirk as he awkwardly stood to shake the CEO’s hand. He now fully agreed with Kelsey that she had not gotten her latest job because of her looks. And an unusual burst of courage suddenly loosened Simon’s tongue. What did he have to lose?
“I’ve been sharing with Kelsey the great things I’ve done in IT. I want a VP-level position with your company, starting next week. I promise to exceed your expectations.”
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