Found in Translation
FOUND IN TRANSLATION – August 17, 2024 – Lawrenceville, Georgia, USA
“And you’re sure they don’t speak a lick of English?” Robert Cobb asked his son, Ezekiel.
“They know a few words, but not enough to communicate.”
“I thought everyone knew English these days. It should be a requirement.”
“Why? You don’t know any French.”
“Up until now, there’s never been a need.”
Ezekiel continued with last-minute instructions to his parents about their visitors. As a Georgia Tech student, Ezekiel had connected with a girl named Elisa, who grew up in France. He traveled with Elisa to Europe earlier in the summer and now her parents were making their first trip to America. Elisa had already picked them up at the Atlanta airport and they were on the road to Ezekiel’s parents’ home in Lawrenceville for a get-to-know-you dinner party. Ezekiel’s and Elisa’s moms planned to show off their cooking skills with French and Georgian cuisine.
“They aren’t going to do that cheek kissing stuff are they?” Robert asked his son.
“In your case, they’ll probably just shake hands.”
A sly and curious grin settled on Robert’s face. “Tell me again why they’re coming. Is this more than a sightseeing visit?”
“They want to see where their daughter goes to school.”
“Then why meet your mom and me? Is this visit about you and Elisa getting more serious? Are you getting the parents together before you ask her to marry you?”
Ezekiel blushed. “There may be some of that going on. We’ll have to see. But you better be on your best behavior.”
Elisa arrived with her parents only a few minutes later. She had visited the house many times before and of all the girls Ezekiel brought home, Elisa was his parents’ favorite. She was smart and unusually stylish for an engineering student.
Robert immediately saw the family resemblance when Elisa walked in with her parents. All three had healthy glows and trim figures. Robert self-consciously sucked in his flabby stomach. He had heard that Europeans stayed fit by walking everywhere and Elisa’s parents confirmed the rumors.
“Welcome! How was your flight?” was the first thing out of Ezekiel’s mom’s mouth.
Elisa immediately switched into translator mode and conveyed questions and answers about flight times, early morning departures, and first visits to America. No cheek kisses were exchanged, much to Robert’s relief. Elisa very quickly changed the subject to the highly anticipated dinner party.
“Ezekiel and I shopped for all the ingredients. Everything we need is in the kitchen and refrigerator,” Elisa said in both English and French. She and her mom ticked off the list of vegetables and fish they needed as everyone migrated into the kitchen. Elisa and the moms inspected pots and pans and then talked excitedly about desserts, with Elisa feverishly translating the conversation.
Robert and Matthieu, Elisa’s dad, watched from the edge of the kitchen looking helpless and disinterested. Ezekiel noticed them standing there and motioned for the dads to follow him on an impromptu tour of the house. The tour’s final stop was the deck overlooking the backyard. After taking in the view for a minute, they ended up in the TV room where Robert retreated to his usual reclining chair and Matthieu perched on one side of a couch. From where they sat, they could still hear the rapid-fire cooking talk in the kitchen.
“How about I turn on some TV?” Robert suggested, reaching for the remote. “What do you think he likes?” he asked Ezekiel while gesturing toward his French guest.
“I’m not sure,” Ezekiel replied.
Robert flipped to the sports channels, figuring they were universally understandable. He stopped on a tennis match, guessing it jived with European sensibilities. Ezekiel left the room as the tennis players hit balls back and forth. Robert pretended to be interested in the action as he snuck peeks at Matthieu. The Frenchman sat rigidly with his eyes on the TV. Robert nodded and smiled after impressive rallies, but Matthieu showed no appreciation or emotion.
As Robert wondered if he should change the channel, he tried picking out bits of the conversation happening in the kitchen. He longed for Ezekiel or Elisa to arrive and act as an interface between Matthieu and him, but the only creature who seemed interested in the TV room was the family cat. It jumped onto Robert’s lap, and he shooed it away.
“Get off me, Dog,” Robert scolded. Then he turned to Matthieu and said, “I named it Dog because I wanted a dog and my wife wanted a cat. You can see who got their way.”
Matthieu returned a blank look to show he had no idea what Robert was saying.
Not long afterward, Elisa and Ezekiel appeared in the room. Elisa picked up the cat, which had settled on the couch, and explained to her father about its name. Matthieu nodded appreciatively.
“Elisa and I were thinking you could drive her dad around and show him the town,” Ezekiel said to Robert. “Help you get to know each other.”
“By myself?”
“Why not?”
“We can’t communicate. How are we getting to know each other without talking?”
“Pass me your phone. I have an idea.”
Robert handed his phone to his son and watched him tap the screen. “I’m opening Google Translate. When you say something in English, it will translate into French. Here, act like you’re talking to Matthieu.”
Robert reluctantly said into his phone, “Hello. How are you? Do you like tennis?”
Ezekiel handed the phone to Matthieu who read the French translation as Elisa explained in French how the phone would help them communicate. She encouraged her father to reply to Robert. After he spoke into the phone, she handed it back to Robert. The text on the screen read, “I am happy to be here. I do not like tennis.”
“That phone’s pretty slick,” Robert said with an eager grin. “I guess we’d be okay taking a little drive together. Beats watching tennis. Where should we go?”
“Some place interesting to guys your age,” Ezekiel replied. “But remember not to use too many of your cutesy Southern phrases. The phone will translate them literally and they won’t make a lot of sense.”
“What Southern phrases are you talking about?”
“You know, things like, ‘That just dills my pickle.’”
“I don’t say that.”
“You say it all the time without even realizing it.”
Robert scoffed but replied, “Okay, I’ll be sure to only use standard English phrases. Things you’d hear on the national news.”
Elisa explained to her dad what was happening and soon Robert and Matthieu were in Robert’s SUV and backing out of the driveway with Robert’s phone positioned between them. Robert was not entirely sure where they were headed, but he figured it might as well be someplace his wife hated visiting.
“You like car racing?” Robert said into his phone.
Matthieu nodded his head after reading the translation.
Robert smiled and drove toward the dirt track where he had watched souped-up buggies slip and slide around an oval. As Robert navigated through suburban streets, he did not like the awkward silence in the car. He grabbed his phone to start a little conversation.
“When I was talking to Ezekiel earlier, I caught wind of something about him and Elisa.”
Matthieu read the phone’s translation and looked confused. The weather around them did not look especially windy. He handed the phone back to Robert without talking into it himself.
Robert grabbed the phone and dictated, “I asked Ezekiel about his relationship with Elisa. He kind of let the cat out of the bag. I think they have some big plans.”
Matthieu read the translation and wondered if Robert was talking about the cat he called Dog. “I don’t understand,” he said into the phone.
Robert tried again. “I think they plan to get engaged. You should ask Elisa. Get it straight from the horse’s mouth.”
When Matthieu read the translation, his face changed from confused to offended. He skipped past the part about engagement and fumed over Robert comparing his daughter to a horse. She looked nothing like a horse. He said back to the phone, “You should keep talking to Ezekiel, who looks like a sheep.”
Robert read the words and wondered what they meant. Was comparing a person to a sheep a compliment in France? Did Ezekiel’s fluffy hair remind Matthieu of wool? Robert put the phone down and did not try to speak until they reached the dirt track.
When they arrived, no other cars were in the parking lot and Robert realized it was not a race day. He looked up at the sky, which had filled with storm clouds since they left his house. He grabbed his phone again.
“No racing today. We can take a look around but will have to be quick. It’s going to rain cats and dogs any minute.”
Matthieu read in confusion. Why was Robert talking about his cat again? For someone who did not like the cat, he mentioned it a lot. Matthieu got out of the car and followed Robert to the chain-link fence surrounding the track. Robert pointed while speaking into his phone to explain how the buggies slid around the track’s corners. Then he gestured toward a wall of rain bearing down on them and motioned they should return to the car. They made it back and closed the doors as heavy raindrops pelted the windshield.
“That was close,” Robert said into his phone. “We missed getting wet by the skin of our teeth.”
Matthieu read the translation and furrowed his brows. He ran his tongue over his teeth and shrugged his shoulders. Robert could not figure out his strange reactions. Was the phone mistranslating some words? Was the get-to-know-you drive a bad idea? Maybe the two men came from such different worlds they could never be friends. Robert started the SUV’s engine and drove toward an indoor spot he thought everyone could appreciate – a giant Bass Pro Shop.
“We’ll be dry inside,” Robert explained into his phone. “They have all kinds of things to see. Animals, sports equipment, fishing poles.”
Matthieu acted interested enough and followed Robert through the automatic front doors. They were met by a large aquarium filled with freshwater fish.
“Do you like to catch fish?” Robert asked.
“Yes, I catch very big fish in the ocean.” Matthieu gestured with his hands to show the fish were two feet long.
“That big?” Robert said into his phone with a smile. “You must be pulling my leg.”
Matthieu looked down at Robert’s legs and replied, “I did not touch your legs.”
Robert smiled harder when he read the response. He motioned for Matthieu to join him as they strolled to a different part of the store. They landed in front of a model campsite complete with a tent, cookstove, cots, and sleeping bags.
Robert kicked at one of the cots and said, “I’ve got one just like this. Very comfortable. You ever hit the sack on one of these? You should try it.”
Matthieu read the translation and looked around. He shuffled to a sleeping bag shoved into a sack and punched it three times.
Robert laughed and said, not into his phone, “Oh right. You’re hitting something. I get it.”
The men wandered toward the back of the building. Robert was lured by the smell of grilled sausages at a small in-store café. He knew he should not spoil his appetite before dinner, but he could not resist ordering a couple of sausages in buns and two Cokes. He handed Matthieu his share of the food and drink as they sat at a two-person table. Robert pulled out his phone.
“They claim these are the best hot dogs in the world. You should take that with a grain of salt before you taste them.”
Matthieu read and then reached for the saltshaker on the table. Robert laughed and then Matthieu laughed in return, although he was not sure why. He ate his sausage and seemed to enjoy it.
As they ate, Robert continued to fill up his paper cup with free refills at the Coke dispenser. He returned and complained the machine was out of ice. Matthieu said he did not like ice. Then the machine ran out of syrup and delivered unsweetened carbonated water. Robert returned to the table in frustration and explained the situation into his phone.
“First there was no ice. Now it’s out of syrup. No one wants to drink warm water. That’s the last straw for this Coke machine.”
Matthieu read and then handed Robert his unused straw lying next to his cup.
Robert laughed again and said, “I guess there’s one more straw after all.” Matthieu joined in the laughter mostly because it seemed to make Robert happy.
On their way out of the store, they passed through an aisle of first-aid supplies. Robert suddenly stopped and ducked his head as he watched someone in the distance. He grabbed his phone and whispered.
“Stay down. I don’t want that guy in the red hat to see me. We work at the same place and he always gives me the cold shoulder. I think I’ll do the same to him.”
Robert passed Matthieu the phone as he continued to peek at the guy from his work. Matthieu read the translated message and reached for a freezable ice pack from one of the shelves. He placed it on Robert’s shoulder.
“You got me again,” Robert said, suppressing a laugh so he would not be discovered. “I didn’t think so when I met you, but you’ve got a funny sense of humor.”
Matthieu shrugged and chuckled in return.
They spent the ride home doing a lot of smiling. Robert pointed out buildings and parks he thought looked interesting. He recited the names and Matthieu nodded appreciatively. When they pulled into the driveway. Ezekiel and Elisa rushed to greet them.
“How was it? What did you do?” Ezekiel asked in English while Elisa asked the equivalent in French.
Robert held up his phone and made a point of turning off Google Translate. He said to his son, “I think we understood each other just fine.”
At the same time, Matthieu said to daughter, “We saw a big store for camping. He has a strange way of speaking and choosing words. He likes when I laugh.”
“No problem communicating, huh?” Ezekiel asked Robert.
“Nah. He was a little confused at first, but he caught on. You wouldn’t know it to look at him, but he’s kind of a comedian.”
“I’m glad you got along so well.”
“Makes me think I should take a trip to France.”
“Oh really? You going to learn some French?”
Robert scoffed. “Why would I? With my phone I can understand exactly what they’re saying and vice versa. This kind of technology really dills my pickle.”
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