Most Famous CEO
October 14, 2022 – Nassau, The Bahamas
The caution sign read, “Beware of your wishes. This well makes them come true.” Judging by the number of coins at the bottom, plenty of visitors were happy to take the risk.
Chase Savage happened to have three quarters in his pocket. He pulled them out and tossed them with one flick of his wrist.
“What did you wish for?” his girlfriend, Kylie, asked.
“Same thing I always wish for. To be the most famous CEO in the world.”
Kylie responded with her usual encouragement. “Well, the promotion puts you one step closer, right? I’m sure everyone will know your name in another year.”
The couple discovered the wishing well while exploring Nassau’s made-for-tourists neighborhoods, which were painted in a rainbow of pastel colors. The Caribbean vacation was a celebration of Chase’s latest achievement. After two years as a Vice President, he was finally appointed CEO of one his dad’s most lucrative companies.
Chase resented the idea that his career was built only on family connections. He took his role at Savage Collections Inc. very seriously. He went out of his way to meet many of the 500 employees and learn how they did the dirty work of collecting unpaid debts. Sending threatening letters, making intimidating calls, and garnishing wages was not always appreciated, but Savage Collections did it as well as anyone else in the business.
While he was studying the company directory and learning the company’s secrets, Chase whispered to his dad about how the former CEO was a bit of a fossil. With someone young and creative at the helm, Savage would surely grow into the biggest collections company in the country. The old CEO was offered a golden retirement package and Chase slid up to the big chair.
Chase and Kylie spent most of their vacation lounging near their hotel’s pool. The sunshine and Bahaman breezes stimulated Chase’s dreams for what he was about to accomplish. The ever-present sweet drinks delivered by an attentive waitress also fueled his ambitions. He was surely destined to be the world’s most famous CEO.
“Nobody’s heard of Savage Collections, but that’s all going to change!” he declared to anyone listening.
“Those people at the company don’t know how lucky they are,” Kylie loyally added.
“My name even sounds like a CEO. Chase Savage. It scares people.”
“Chase Savage,” Kylie repeated. “It does sound powerful.”
When Chase was not making proclamations, he spent plenty of time gawking at the women walking past him or lying on pool towels. A few of them looked better than Kylie. Chase began questioning if she was a good match for a CEO. She was fine for a Vice President, but he had to aim higher in every aspect of his life. He needed to surround himself with the best and finest things.
Upon his return to Savage Collections headquarters in Columbus, Ohio, Chase spent the day being fitted for a new wardrobe of custom-tailored suits. He then turned his attention to the renovated CEO’s office. Chase was inspired by the mountain lairs of movie supervillains, so he had all the furniture removed and the walls painted granite gray. His new desk consisted of a slab of white marble on stainless steel legs. Stark black and white photos of the Swiss Alps hung on the walls.
The office’s first real visitor was Ernest Pratt, Chase’s special assistant. Chase leaned back in his white-leather supervillain chair and proudly asked, “What do you think?”
“I love it. Reminds me of the time I went skiing,” Ernest replied.
“Yes! That’s what I was going for.”
Ernest smiled and pushed his glasses up his nose before dropping into one of the hard plastic chairs on the other side of the desk. Chase was the first important person Ernest had ever befriended. No matter how the office was decorated, Ernest could have come up with something he liked about it.
“From now on, I’m calling you Number Two,” Chase continued. “Just between us, that means you’re the second most important guy.”
“I like the sound of that.”
“It’s great finally having the outdated boss gone, isn’t it? I used to have to sit in this office and listen to his stories.”
Ernest fidgeted. “You know, a lot of people around here liked him. I think you should be careful about saying too many bad things about him.”
“Don’t you think they’re happy I’m the new CEO?”
“Well sure. That’s why you don’t need to say much about the old CEO.”
Chase grinned and waved away Ernest’s advice. “I need to show up strong right out of the gate. Let them know I’m different than the old guy. I’m going to lead them to #1 in the country. I’m tougher. I’m fresher. The world should be ready.”
“Sounds good when you say it that way.”
“I need to introduce myself to everyone. Establish dominance. We need an all-hands meeting.”
“How about doing it electronically? Use Zoom or Teams.”
“Yeah, that works. Can you set it up?”
“Are you mostly going to say hello to everyone?”
“I also need to set some boundaries. Make some policy changes. Act like a CEO.”
Ernest fidgeted some more. “Maybe nothing too severe. Maybe it’s best to ease them into changes.”
Chase nodded as he considered the advice. “You know, Halloween’s coming up. I could say something tough about Halloween. That would sound like an easy change.”
Ernest immediately went to work organizing and advertising the electronic all-hands meeting. He encouraged Chase to write out exactly what he was going to say, but Chase argued that successful CEOs needed to speak spontaneously from a few bullet points. Chase spent less time on the content of his speech than he did on finding a digital filter to make it look like snow was falling outside his office.
The video broadcast started off okay. Chase introduced himself and how he was excited to lead the company. Then he recited names of employees he really enjoyed. His mind wandered after the first dozen, and he moved to his next bullet point: Savage Collections would be #1 in the country by being tough, lean, and focused.
“Speaking of being focused, Halloween is coming up. I know it’s a big distraction. This year we’re not going to have any costumes at work. No parties either.”
At that point in his delivery, Chase grew extra spontaneous. “I mean, it’s fine to celebrate at home if you want. A lot of you go overboard and wear unflattering things that don’t really fit. Some people use it as an excuse to dress half-naked. But don’t come to work that way. None of us needs that distraction.”
Chase then rambled about how working from home was not really working and people should be ready for big adjustments. Ernest frantically waved for Chase to cut the speech short and the whole thing ended mid-sentence.
“Well, how’d it go?” Chase asked Ernest.
“Really good,” Ernest replied with a forced smile.
The broadcast was recorded by a handful of employees who immediately recognized its potential to amuse and agitate. A video was posted anonymously around the internet and proved to be a big hit on a Reddit thread dedicated to bad bosses. Enthusiastic viewers shared links and reposted on Twitter. Comments highlighted Chase being clueless and out of touch. Work from homers hated his threat to change company policy. Within 48 hours, ten million people had seen the video. Chase was labeled the Naked Halloween CEO.
Chase called for a crisis management meeting with his Number Two. “People are talking about me. That’s good, right? Don’t they say all publicity is good?”
Ernest shrugged his shoulders. “Maybe not if you killed somebody.”
“Well, I didn’t. All I did was say something about Halloween costumes. You understand what I meant, right? I mean if everyone around here was attractive it would be a different story. But they’re far from it.”
Ernest sat up in his chair and said, “How about sending another message? This one could talk about how you value your employees. No matter what they look like.”
Chase scowled as he considered. “We shouldn’t do it right away. Sounds too much like we’re reacting. At Stanford Business School they always said you’re supposed to act, not react.”
“So how about a Thanksgiving message?”
“Sure. But I don’t want to act soft. I’m still tough. That’s the message.”
“Maybe a little less tough.”
“You know the only real problem with the first message was I let you talk me into doing it over Zoom. That way, people could record it. The next one will be in person, and we’ll warn people not to share it.”
Savage Collections did not have comfortable space for a 500-person meeting. Ernest did his best by moving tables out of a lunchroom and removing doors in hallways. Employees were packed five to a cubicle to catch a glimpse of Chase standing on a raised platform. He wore his most expensive suit and was groomed with a $400 haircut and facial.
“Welcome everyone. Let me start by saying you are forbidden to record my message. Anyone who records it and puts it on the internet will be hunted down and prosecuted.”
After that initial warning, Chase named more employees he enjoyed working with and then shared a few more ideas about how the company would become #1 in America. His voice trailed off as he lost his train of thought. Then he remembered Thanksgiving.
“Okay, let’s talk Thanksgiving week. A lot of you like to take time off on Wednesday. Then you’re gone on Thursday and Friday. Practically the whole week is shot. We’ve got a business to run. No one is taking off Wednesday.”
Chase’s true spontaneity kicked in again when he continued with, “I don’t know why you’re so eager to leave. No one likes eating turkey or being around their family.”
Chase was met with stunned faces from the packed crowd. He felt the need to hammer home that he was firmly in charge. “And another thing. I’ve heard about people asking to bring dogs to work. No dogs at work. If you wanted to work with dogs, you should have gotten a job at an animal shelter.”
The rest of Chase’s speech sputtered out. No one applauded or even recognized it was over until he awkwardly climbed off his pedestal. Everyone watching had a smartphone in their pocket so of course multiple versions were recorded, despite Chase’s warning. The speech was uploaded to dark corners of the internet almost before it was over. It did not stay hidden long. People loved to hate it. Dog owners were especially critical. This time, Chase was called the Dog and Family Hating CEO. Building on his initial fame, the Thanksgiving speech was viewed over 100 million times.
Ernest returned to the mountain lair for another crisis meeting. He tried to reassure Chase that a lot of people thought it was a parody. “You could act like it was your way of not taking yourself too seriously.”
Chase shook his head. “I wanted to be a tough CEO, but maybe you’re right. Maybe the best CEOs don’t have to be tough all the time. They can have a sense of humor. Show they understand people.”
“That’s right. You should sound sympathetic.”
“And no more warnings about recording. We should encourage it. Tell them to spread it around. We’ll get the last laugh when I don’t say anything controversial, but we still get all the publicity.”
“So what are you gonna say?”
“It needs to be about inclusion and other buzzwords like that. Holidays. Happiness. Things people like to hear. Something universal.”
Chase’s holiday message was again broadcast over Zoom. An introductory title over the meeting invitation encouraged viewers to record and share it. Chase worried about the perfect background. He wanted something which could not possibly upset or offend anyone. He ended up standing in front of a white sheet. His head and torso looked like they were floating in a cloud.
“Greetings, friends. My name is Chase Savage. I’m the CEO of Savage Collections Incorporated. I’m in Columbus, Ohio, but I send my best wishes out to the entire world.”
“As we enter the holiday season, I want everyone to feel included and welcome. To keep our hearts as open as possible, we won’t be restricting our celebrations to things like Christmas or Hannukah. We won’t even be using those words. Let’s stick with Holidays. You’re free to celebrate any way you like at company parties, as long as you follow these inclusive guidelines: No gift exchanges. No alcohol. No music which mentions Christmas. Celebrations should be held between 5 and 7 pm. Flashing lights should not be on trees.”
Chase finished his list of restrictions and then rambled about coming together as a family and universally celebrating a fabulous year. As he hoped, lots of people shared the video. Almost everyone had a comment about it. People watched and shared and rewatched. It seemed to be on every possible social media and news outlet. No one could miss it. Within a week, the video had over a billion views, not even counting the many meme variations.
Comedians loved Chase. More serious journalists could not decide if he was being serious or not. An article in the Wall Street Journal carried the tagline, “Move over Elon Musk, a new Most Famous CEO is in town.” The article concluded that the most famous CEO might also be the worst.
While it can be hard to get all voices in the media to agree, this time, almost everyone echoed the Wall Street Journal. A quick search of “Famous CEO” or “Worst CEO” brought up Chase’s picture and bio.
On the day after Christmas, Chase got a text from Kylie. He had practically forgotten about her after their Caribbean trip. Her short message read, “Looks like you got your wish.”
That message was followed a few hours later by one from his dad. “I think you’ve done enough as a CEO. Let’s try you at another job. You’ll like South America.”
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