November 12, 2017 – Providence, Rhode Island, USA
“I gotta admit, I miss being able to call someone when something goes wrong in the house,” said Collin Park to his friends around the table. “When I was renting, if the refrigerator broke, I called the owner. Now it’s my problem.”
“Oh boo hoo hoo. Your new house didn’t come with someone to fix it for you,” replied Zander, Collin’s officemate.
The two others at the table, Raj and Pete, laughed along with Zander.
“Maybe someday you’ll save up enough money to find out what a hassle it is,” said Collin snidely. “I seriously have to do something about the toilet in my bathroom. It has this tiny little leak that I can hear going all night long.”
“So fix it,” replied Raj.
“Dude, I don’t want to go crawling around a toilet,” replied Collin.
“Then call a plumber,” said Zander. “Apparently you can afford it.”
“How much is that going to cost me?” replied Collin. “Whatever it is, I’m sure it’ll be a total rip off.”
“So you’re helpless and you’re cheap,” said Raj with a laugh. “How about just buying some earplugs so you can’t hear the leak? That’s what my grandma would do. Or she’d call my dad. I can check and see if he’ll fix it for you.”
“I can fix it myself if I really want to,” Collin insisted.
“You sure about that?” joked Zander.
“I graduated from Yale Law School. Yeah, I’m pretty sure I can figure out a toilet,” replied Collin. “How hard could it possibly be?”
“Totally different skillsets,” said Raj. “Just because you think you’re so smart in one, doesn’t make you smart in the other. You should call the plumber.”
“I’m just thinking about a plumber in my house and having to watch him so he doesn’t break or steal anything,” said Collin in an obnoxious voice. “What would we talk about? I mean, he’d be leaning over with his butt crack showing and telling me about his wrench collection or whatever.”
Pete had been listening quietly but he finally broke into the conversation. “My cousin’s a plumber. And he doesn’t walk around showing off his butt crack. I’ll bet he’s even as smart as you,” Pete said sarcastically.
Out of the members of the group, Collin knew Pete the least well. They had connected mostly through Raj, whom Collin had first met at the gym. Pete was the only one of them who could be considered a local, and even though he was fairly quiet, Collin liked having Pete in the group because he gave them some Providence credibility. It was Pete who had picked the sports bar where they hung out on Sunday afternoons watching football. Collin was not quite sure what Pete did for a living. It was some kind of manufacturing or prototyping.
“Hey, I’m just being funny. I’m sure your cousin is smart,” Collin said to Pete.
“I doubt you really believe that, but I’ll bet he could figure out your paperwork a lot faster than you could figure out toilets,” said Pete.
“Come on. I could figure out a toilet,” said Collin with an injured smile.
“I’d bet against it,” replied Pete.
“You must think I’m braindead. Then let’s bet if you’re so sure,” replied Collin defensively.
“Okay, you’ve got all next weekend to fix your leaky toilet. You do it, drinks and food for everyone are on me next Sunday. If one single drop of water is still leaking out, food and drinks are on you.”
“You’re on,” said Collin. “You seriously don’t think I can figure it out in an entire weekend?”
“I don’t think you’ll even get started,” replied Pete. “You’ll realize you don’t even have one wrench, much less a collection. But no backing out now.”
Collin scoffed as his competitive juices began flowing. “Everyone stop by my house next week before football so you can witness my plumbing greatness.”
Throughout the next week in his office, Collin could not resist hiding behind his computer and watching videos about toilet repair. He concluded that his problem must be with the float mechanism inside the tank. According to the videos, that kind of thing happened all the time.
Collin researched the different kinds of replacement floats you could buy and looked up tables comparing their performance. He went to manufacturers’ websites to read what online reviewers had to say. He slowly concluded that he did not want an “old fashioned” float that used a plastic ball. He wanted a more modern version with the float built right on the stem. If he bought the right model, he could install it without any tools. He decided on a Fluidmaster and he watched their installation videos over and over again.
By Saturday morning, Collin’s confidence had swelled. Still, he blocked out the rest of the day and Sunday morning for toilet repair, in case things did not go quite as smoothly as they had in the videos. He arrived at the nearest Home Depot the minute the doors opened.
In the aisle marked Plumbing Supplies, Collin quickly tracked down the Fluidmaster kit he was looking for. He was sure of his purchase, but he decided to bug the nearest Home Depot employee, anyway.
“You ever used one of these?” Collin asked.
“Not that exact model, but close,” said the employee.
“Do they work like the video?”
The Home Depot employee gave Collin an uneasy look. “Uh, sure . . .”
“This is my first time in the store,” said Collin. “I want to get things right.”
“Well, if you’re like most people, I’ll probably see you back here pretty soon,” replied the Home Depot employee.
While he was in the store, Collin passed a stack of buckets and figured he might as well grab a few. He bought two large and two small, just in case.
When he got his package and buckets home, Collin took them right to the bathroom connected to his bedroom. Then he collected every towel in his house and stacked them near the bathroom door. The replacement kit contained printed instructions. Collin read them through and confirmed that they matched the instructions he had been studying online.
“Okay, here we go,” Collin said to himself, taking a deep breath.
He located the intake valve attached to the wall and turned clockwise until tight. So far, so good. He pulled the lid off the top of the toilet’s tank and looked curiously inside. Yes, he had read and watched videos like this before. He pushed on the flush handle. The flap inside the tank pulled up and the water drained away, leaving the tank empty. He watched the float sink to the bottom. Fascinating.
Now for the tough part. Collin found the nut on the bottom of the toilet that held the flexible water line in place. He loosened up the nut with his fingers and then found the second nut holding the float’s stem in place. Excess water dripped on the floor, but Collin used the first of his towels to mop it up. Then he pulled out the faulty float stem.
Collin held it up to the light. It was one of those old fashioned kind with a ball at the end of the arm. It reminded him of a piece of modern art he had seen at a Boston museum. He moved the ball up and down before placing it gently on the tiled floor of his shower.
The new modern stem fit snuggly into the hole at the bottom of the tank. Collin used the nut that came with the package to hold it in place. Then he connected the water line and made sure everything felt tight. He checked and rechecked inside and outside the tank. Then he connected the flap to the new float.
Another moment of truth. Collin draped three towels over one shoulder and positioned a large bucket on either side of the toilet. He grasped the water valve, closed his eyes, and turned to the left. Water surged through the pipes. Collin expected to be doused in all directions, but he stayed dry.
Then he looked into the toilet’s tank. Water was pouring in and rising fast. Collin reached for the buckets. Was this right? He could not remember this part on the videos. The water level kept rising. It would soon be at the top of the tank and then what was he supposed to do? Should he close the inlet valve? Three inches to go. Two inches to go. His floor was on the verge of being flooded.
And then the water stopped. The new float had risen with the water level and shut off the flow. Collin stood very still with relief. He dropped the buckets. All he heard was silence. Could this be right? He looked under the toilet expecting to see a slow stream of water dribbling onto the floor. Nothing.
Collin waited in complete silence for a full minute and then he flushed. He watched the water leave the tank and swirl out of the bowl. Then the tank refilled.
“Yes! Yes! Yes!” shouted Collin. He flushed seven more times and adjusted the float so that the water rose in the tank to the perfect height.
Collin admired his hands. They had never done anything like this before. They had transformed something broken into something whole. They were useful, practical hands. He felt elated and exhausted. This must have taken all day. Collin had removed his watch and taken his phone from his pocket because of the anticipated soaking. He checked the time. A total of 53 minutes had passed.
Fifty-three minutes? When had he ever accomplished so much in 53 minutes? At work, he could blow an entire hour at a meeting without even writing down a single word or remembering a single sentence. But the toilet made him feel content, accomplished, and satisfied. The world was better in a tangible way because of him. He could point to the toilet and say he had made it better.
Collin was energized when he returned to Home Depot for his second Fluidmaster kit. The second toilet in his house had one of those older floats and he wanted to make it better too. The same Home Depot employee he had talked with earlier recognized Collin. “Back again I see,” said the employee. “You forget something?”
“No, just found another toilet,” said Collin.
He installed the second new float in less than 30 minutes. Since he had budgeted so much time to toilet repair, he was not sure what to do with himself for the rest of the weekend. He watched some college football and movies but kept getting up to admire his work in the bathrooms. All told, the toilets in Collin’s house were flushed 46 times on Saturday.
Collin understood his own compulsive personality and figured that all his toilet excitement would be short lived. To his surprise, he felt even prouder when he woke up Sunday morning. He called to ask his friends to show up earlier than scheduled so they could admire the work.
Pete arrived and gave both toilets a thorough inspection, running his finger up and down the inlet lines, looking for a leak. “Looks like you did it,” he conceded to Collin. “I expected you to totally blow it off and make up some excuse.”
“I was afraid my whole place would be flooded,” said Collin. “But it turned out kind of like bungie jumping. At first you’re terrified, but then when the rope pulls you back, you start to have fun.”
Pete responded with a mystified look.
Later at the sports bar, while he was enjoying the drinks paid for by Pete, Collin got the urge to inspect the place’s toilets. He snuck off to the bathroom and discovered that two out of the three tanks were in bad shape and had obvious leaks.
“Why don’t I come over and install new floats for you guys?” Collin said to Zander, Raj, and Pete.
“That sounds kinda weird,” said Zander. “I think I’m good.”
“I’ll buy the kits myself,” said Collin. “Now that I know what I’m doing, I don’t want my skills going to waste.”
“Skills?” asked Zander with a laugh. He and the other friends looked at Collin like he must be kidding or had banged his head on a toilet seat. They tried to talk him out of his plan while he continued to insist.
Two days later, Collin stopped by Zander’s apartment after work to change his float. While he was busy in the bathroom, Zander tried to joke with him about pulling up his pants.
“I’m not sure what I’m supposed to talk about with a plumber,” said Zander. “I would show you my library and my art collection, but I know you wouldn’t appreciate them.”
Collin was too focused on float stems to pay much attention. “Huh? What did you say?” he asked Zander.
“Nothing. I hope you’re enjoying yourself.”
Collin was enjoying himself, even if he could not quite understand why. After every readily available toilet was upgraded, he grew curious about the faucets and showerheads in his house. He watched more videos and purchased his own wrench set before replacing every plumbing fixture he owned. And still the fascination and satisfaction would not die.
Home Depot offered a few workshops on sinks and hot water heaters. Collin even skipped work to attend one of the sessions. He struck up a conversation with the instructor and found out that he taught a practical plumbing class at the nearby city college. Collin signed up. His friends tried to give him a hard time.
“What’s the difference between Yale Law School and Providence City College?” Raj asked with a laugh. “Providence doesn’t believe in grade inflation. You can actually get lower than a B at City College.”
“Yeah Collin. I wouldn’t put your City College grades on your resume,” said Zander.
“Funny as always, guys,” replied Collin sarcastically.
“I still don’t get whether this is a weird hobby or if you’re looking for a new career,” said Raj, still laughing.
“You know if it wasn’t for the money, I’d do plumbing all day in a heartbeat,” Collin replied. “It’s hard to explain, but it makes me feel important. As a lawyer, all I do is answer emails.”
A few months later, Collin proudly announced that John Durant, one of the best plumbers in the city, was going to let Collin tag along as kind of an apprentice on some nights and weekends. “I’ll get to help with repairs and new construction.”
“Congratulations, I guess,” Zander told Collin.
“I had to make a deal with the guy,” continued Collin. “I’m taking his son on as my intern during the week. John Durant would rather have his kid be a lawyer than a plumber. I get it, but then again, I don’t get it.”
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