Email Signoff
EMAIL SIGNOFF – January 8, 2025 – Tacoma, Washington, USA
Like anyone with ambition, Owen Fardman was eager to please after landing his first real job. He began the year in the human resources department for South Bay Designs, a furniture company producing everything from couches to coat racks. While they had 5000 employees and manufacturing plants spread across the country, most business decisions were made at their Tacoma, Washington headquarters. HR was located one floor below the executive offices.
Owen’s resume claimed he was skilled at evaluating personalities. He described his own personality as optimistic and willing to champion almost any new idea. He interviewed well and his energy caught the eye of Elise Ventura, the company’s Chief People Officer. She arranged for Owen to report directly to her and she loved having long conversations with him about self-improvement and life goals. Elise considered herself calm and spiritual. She meditated avidly and listened patiently. She assured Owen that the universe would help him with his goal to make a disruptive impact at South Bay Designs.
Because Elise was so big on self-realization and self-improvement, one of her company-wide initiatives focused on identifiers in email messages. She recommended that all employees end any message with their name, job title and location, and then a list of three strengths they brought to their positions. Example qualities included “meets deadlines”, “prioritizes results”, and “follows up relentlessly.”
The strength list was supposed to make people think about their performance, teamwork, and how they might contribute on projects. The idea was initially presented as optional, but because Elise made the rules regarding annual performance evaluations, she added it as a criterion for evaluating communication proficiency. Everyone in the company quickly got in line and added the list to their messages.
When Owen arrived, he brainstormed with Elise about his strengths list during one of their first meetings. He marveled at incoming messages that ended with other people’s strength declarations. It got him thinking about a way he could have an immediate impact on the company and he excitedly described it to Elise.
“Since the strengths list is working so well, what if we had people add a weaknesses list? Wouldn’t that help them improve even more?”
Elise did not reply, but Owen could tell she was thinking deeply about the proposal. He continued cheerleading for it. “It will lead to more sincere and honest communication as we recognize both strengths and weaknesses. We can support each other as we improve.”
Elise slowly nodded and then smiled as the idea seeped into her brain. “I don’t like calling them weaknesses. How about a ‘Working to Improve’ list?”
“Absolutely. ‘Working to Improve’ sounds much better.”
Elise continued to nod. “Let’s get the details right, but I think this could truly be disruptive. I’ll let you introduce it.”
After a few more days of consideration, Elise approved an email message that Owen sent to the entire company explaining the new recommended signoff. At the end of every message, employees were supposed to include their name, job title and location, three strengths, and three things you were working to improve. In keeping with official policy, Owen closed his company-wide announcement listing his three strengths (supportive of colleagues, adaptable, optimistic) and his three “working to improve” items (reluctant to criticize, small colleague network, self-esteem dependent on career success).
Joseph Rolandi was waiting to speak to a client at a New Jersey furniture distribution warehouse when Owen’s message arrived. Joseph had been a salesman with South Coast Designs for 20 years and worked tirelessly to get the maximum number of products into the maximum number of stores. He was far removed from decisions made at the Tacoma headquarters, but could not entirely avoid company policies like those involving communications. When Elise introduced the concept of listing strengths in each email signoff, he rolled his eyes at the idea but eventually complied. The latest “suggestion” was harder to accept.
“Is this a joke?” Joseph said angrily to himself. He reread the message twice and saw that it was sent to the entire company mailing list. Unfortunately, it looked legit. Joseph cringed with embarrassment as he imagined coming up with some weaknesses and then broadcasting them to everyone he knew. “Who does this Owen guy think he is? You know what, I’m not just gonna sit here and take this,” Joseph said under his breath. “Let’s see if anyone in Tacoma understands good old-fashioned Jersey sarcasm.”
Joseph clicked Reply All to the message, ensuring his response would be broadcast to all 5000 employees. This was one of the biggest breaches in email etiquette anyone could commit. In the past, when people had accidently done it, they were met with instant ridicule and condemnation for being so clueless. Joseph’s shared message was deep-fried in mockery.
“Thank you for the opportunity to grow in this way. This will give me a chance to publicly highlight my weaknesses. I’m sure this will help me change.”
Under his name and title, Joseph listed his usual three strengths: 1. Hits sales targets; 2. Straightforward; and 3. Quick to respond. He added his new list of “Working to Improve” items: 1. Reply’s All to email messages; 2. Blind obedience; and 3. Sacrifices too much for the company.
Another South Bay employee, Kammy Coughlin, was in Florida designing an office chair when Owen’s message arrived. It was quickly followed by Joseph’s Reply All response. Kammy grumbled at first and was about to send out a Reply All messaged dutifully warning others to avoid Replying All. But when she scrolled through Joseph’s message and realized he was having a little fun, she decided to have a little fun of her own. She clicked Reply All, activated her All Caps button, and began typing.
“STOP USING REPLY ALL! NOT ALL OF US WANT TO HEAR WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY! KEEP YOUR OPINIONS TO YOUSELF!”
Below her angry-sounding message, she added the following “Working to Improve” list: 1. Overly confrontational; 2. Reply’s All to emails; and 3. Lack of self-awareness.
After Kammy’s message blasted across the country, the flood gates opened for everyone who wanted to prove their sense of humor or take subtle digs at corporate overlords. Gloria Pickens, a plant manager in Georgia, Replied All with a message in Comic Sans font talking about how she felt free to express herself. Under things she was working to improve, she listed font selection. Allen Blankenship, a salesman in the Chicago area, Replied All and pretended he was responding to a phishing scheme. He included a fake username and password and said he hoped this was not like the time he got his hard drive corrupted. His improvement list included, Replying All, falling for online scams, and being too trusting.
By midday, email inboxes overflowed with so many nonsense replies that Elise had to step in as head of HR and send out an entirely new message calling for it to stop. Her heartfelt words assured everyone that all communications from HR were meant with the best intentions and she hoped they would be received with maturity and not silliness.
The Reply All’s stopped, but it was too late to change perceptions about the email signoff lists. A small minority of people took the “working to improve” list seriously and spent introspective time hoping to get better. They signed off with items like “being more organized,” “prioritizing,” and “showing greater sympathy for others.” For the rest of people who actually added improvement lists to their messages, most items were excuses for bad behavior. They included, “being bad at email” and “doesn’t respond to dumb questions.”
Instead of increasing sincere and honest communication the way Owen advertised, adding the weaknesses list filled company messages with cynicism. No one could tell whether a word or phrase was meant sincerely or sarcastically. Recipients spent extra time deciphering meanings and intentions. The toxic confusion got so bad that the company president decided to act. He summoned Elise and Owen to his office. After some initial pleasantries, he spoke directly to Elise.
“You know I trust you when it comes to personnel and give you free reign on lots of policy, but something needs to change with the email thing. People say our company emails are like a minefield. Why does email have to be so touchy-feely?”
Elise tightened her jaw defensively. “Communication has always been complicated. Not everyone expresses themselves in the same way. We have to allow for differences.”
“What are you saying? You don’t think anything needs to change?”
“Not particularly. We had a well thought out strategy.”
The president’s eyes moved toward Owen. “What about you?”
In a few brief moments, Owen recalculated the fastest way he could make a disruptive company impact. He cleared his throat and said, “Elise is wonderful and the most caring person I can imagine. But I think a few rules would make email more efficient. I would remove the signoff lists. Only allow one type of font and no emojis. End with just your name and title. And get IT to restrict anyone from Replying All to a big distribution list.”
Owen glanced at Elise, who wore a look like she had been stranded at a wedding alter. He added, “Those are just my suggestions. Elise is the real expert.”
The company president said thoughtfully, “Yes, I see. How about you two let me think for a minute and I’ll get back to you?”
Less than 24 hours later, a company-wide message went out from the president outlining all of Owen’s suggested changes. From then on, email messages were to be streamlined and efficient, without room for self-expression.
Owen did not work for Elise much longer after the meeting with the president, but not because she had a part in firing or demoting him. Even if her personality had been capable of vengeance, before she knew it, Owen was transferred upstairs to join a corporate planning team organized by the president.
As he excitedly introduced himself to his new colleagues, Owen said, “I like to think my greatest strength is adaptability. I’ve learned that sometimes the fastest way to build things up is to burn them down.”
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