Sticky Christmas Songs
November 6, 2023 – Covington, Kentucky, USA
Naomi never made her commuting partner wait. When it was her week to drive, she was outside of April’s apartment at exactly the target time. When April drove, Naomi always stood ready at curbside. Commuting made sense for the pair. They worked for the same company, lived close together, and stuck to the same schedule.
This was Naomi’s week as a passenger, but only for the first three days. On Thursday, she would leave for a quick work trip and April would have her car to herself.
“Morning,” Naomi said in greeting as she dropped into April’s car.
“Morning,” April replied, the same way she had hundreds of times before.
Christmas music blared from the car’s sound system. Naomi looked down to see the radio set to an “easy listening” station. “Christmas music already? We’re barely past Halloween. Don’t you think it’s a little early?”
“Not too early for me. I love Christmas music,” April replied, as she turned the steering wheel and set the car in motion.
“I like Christmas songs too. But I think they should be saved for the Christmas season. That’s what makes them special.”
April did not reply.
Naomi continued by saying, “I just think we shouldn’t be in a rush to listen to them earlier and earlier every year. Before you know it, we’ll have them playing all the time.”
“Fine by me.”
As they rolled toward their office building, Naomi tried to drop hints about not being happy with the music selection. She sighed and stared grumpily at the radio. April pretended not to notice. The song changed from “White Christmas” to Mariah Carey’s version of “All I Want for Christmas is You.”
“I’m sorry. I don’t want to be difficult, but can we change channels? I get songs stuck in my head. My brain’s like a suction cup. I hear them and I can’t let go. Christmas songs are especially sticky, that’s one reason I like to put them off to December. I mean, I like Mariah Carey, but I don’t want “All I Want for Christmas” running though my head all day.”
“Fine. If it’s that big of a deal to you.” April reached over and changed the station to the morning show they usually listened to.
Naomi said, “Thanks,” but it was too late. When she got out of the car, she was unconsciously humming “All I Want for Christmas is You”. When she realized what she was doing, she moaned and whispered to herself, “Oh no you don’t. Get out of my head, Mariah Carey.”
Naomi tried quietly singing other songs. She went from one pop song to another. Nothing stuck. The lyrics from “All I Want for Christmas” kept bubbling to the top of her brain like an unwanted pop-up ad.
“Hey, Earth to Naomi. What’s going on? You look totally zoned out,” one of her coworkers said during a meeting.
“Sorry. I’ve got this song stuck in my head. You know how that feels, right?”
“Not really. I guess I’m not a very good daydreamer.”
“I’m not daydreaming,” replied Naomi defensively. “It’s the stupid song.”
Naomi’s company specialized in food and beverage distribution, but it was nearly impossible to focus on delivery dates and the rising cost of produce while Mariah Carey’s voice sang about presents and Christmas trees. The song seemed to have extra tentacles holding tight to Naomi’s nervous system. It did not let go until the next morning when she found herself singing a Justin Bieber song in the shower.
Naomi ate her usual breakfast and was waiting patiently for April when it was time to be picked up. They exchanged their standard greeting as Naomi got in the car. She immediately noticed that the radio was again tuned to the Christmas station. She stared at the radio with disapproval.
“Oh, I forgot your thing about hating Christmas music,” April said lazily. She slowly reached over and changed the station. It was too late. Naomi heard several lines of “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” and they bounced through her head.
It was a very sticky song. The internal lyrics repeated nonstop as Naomi walked to her cubicle. She needed to get her brain unstuck, so she pulled out her phone and earbuds. She pulled up a Taylor Swift album which also contained sticky songs. After listening to “Antihero” and “Lavender Haze” three times each, she was sure they had chased off “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree”. Spending the day with either of those Taylor Swift songs as her inner soundtrack would be annoying, but she had practiced suppressing Taylor Swift.
Naomi grabbed her tablet and scrolled to the customer survey results she needed to memorize before her trip. As she concentrated, a song started in her head. She expected it to be “Lavender Haze”. Nope. “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree”.
Naomi whimpered as she repeated to herself, “Go away.” She knew it was hopeless. Her attention would be split for the rest of the day.
On Wednesday morning, Naomi reluctantly slumped into April’s car. To her surprise, she did not hear Christmas music. The radio was set to the morning show that had been their standard commute entertainment. Naomi nodded toward the radio and smiled. April acted oblivious to the sounds around her and drove their usual route. Halfway to the office, she suddenly announced, “Let’s see what else is on,” and scanned the radio for different stations.
Naomi watched nervously as the number for the Christmas station got closer. When April reached it, instead of quickly moving on like she had with the other stations, she lingered. Naomi knew it was no accident. “Jingle Bell Rock” poured merrily from the car’s speakers.
April sang along to the music before passive-aggressively saying, “Oh yeah. Your Christmas song hangup.” As she found another station, her fingers crept along as if moving through Jell-O.
The change was way too late for Naomi. She was stuck with “Jingle Bell Rock”. She accepted her fate as she arrived at the office. With the lyrics “Jingle bell chime in jingle bell time” running through her head, she checked the calendar. Tomorrow’s trip was followed by a week of commuting in her car, which meant she did not have to worry about April’s radio until Thanksgiving week. Maybe she could wear earplugs until Thanksgiving. After that, she would simply have to accept hearing Christmas music everywhere. But until that point, she swore to herself she would avoid it at all costs. As she reviewed the accounts for the customers she would be visiting, she longed to have gentle instrumental music dancing through her brain cells instead of “Jingle Bell Rock”.
Naomi could have driven herself to the airport for her business trip, but she had grown to like Ubers instead. It beat the hassle of parking and navigating traffic. On Thursday morning, she waited for her Uber driver, anticipating a quiet, relaxing ride. She would get her mind into customer service mode, ready to impress new and existing clients.
Her ride arrived as expected and she put her carry-on bag in the open trunk. When she slid into the backseat, she immediately heard loud music playing. The driver had the radio turned up, which was unexpected. Most Uber drivers Naomi met kept their cars quiet. She recognized from a promo jingle that they were listening to a station that played hits from the 80’s and 90’s.
As they reached the main highway toward the airport, the station’s DJ announced that they were about to start a marathon of 90’s rap hits. Coming up after a check on weather and traffic were Sir Mix-a-Lot, MC Hammer, and Vanilla Ice.
Naomi’s heart raced and she gasped for air. She was about to hear the stickiest songs ever made. After one verse of Sir Mix-a-Lot singing “Baby Got Back”, he would be crawling around her head for three days. How would she keep a serious face around her clients with the ridiculous lines from that song competing for her attention.
“Would you mind changing the channel?” Naomi called to her driver.
“This is my favorite station,” he called back. “I don’t like any of the new music these days.”
“We wouldn’t have to listen to new music. How about some older soft hits? Or classical music? Or even Country?”
“No thanks. I’ll stick with what I’ve got.”
The station’s break for weather was almost over. Naomi could feel Sir Mix-a-Lot creeping up on her, about to scream into her ear. She thought of her earbuds. If only they were not in her bag, she could have used them to try and block out the sound. She glanced around in panic, searching for anything that might save her. That was when she noticed the silver cross dangling from the rearview mirror.
“How about some Christmas music? It’s never too early to be thinking about Christmas, don’t you think?” She had sworn she would steer clear of Christmas music, but now it felt like a welcome alternative.
“Huh. I guess I could go for a little Christmas music,” the driver said thoughtfully.
“I know a station. Quick, change the radio.”
Naomi shouted out the frequency for the Christmas station and the driver made the change seconds before Sir Mix-a-Lot took over. Naomi leaned back in her seat and tried to relax. She simply had to accept that “I’ll be Home for Christmas” was now stuck inside her for the rest of the day. She would work around it. The stickiness could have been worse.
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