Ride the Rainbow Unicorn
September 20, 2022 – Topeka, Kansas, USA
Brooks Britt was still wearing his construction hardhat when he arrived home. He barely had time to pull off his boots and dirty jacket before leaning down to catch his daughter, Celeste, and swoop her up into a hug.
“Celeste decided what she wants to do for her seventh birthday,” announced Kylie, Brooks’ wife.
“Oh yeah? What did you pick?” Brooks asked Celeste, still holding her in his arms.
“Riding the stuffed animals at the mall,” replied Celeste.
“What does that mean?” Brooks asked, turning to Kylie.
Kylie laughed. “Someone at the mall rents these electric stuffed animals with wheels. You sit on them and drive them around the mall.”
“Why would you want to do that?” Brooks asked Celeste, lowering her to the floor.
“Because it’s fun,” said Celeste sweetly.
“Yeah, because it’s fun,” added Kylie. “And they have all kinds of animals to choose from. And she says she wants her daddy to take her and ride next to her.”
A look of panic swept over Brooks’ face. “Why me? Wouldn’t you like to go with your mom or one of your friends?” he asked Celeste.
“No, she wants to go with you,” said Kylie. “I think it’s cute.”
“How about if I take you and only watch? Or I can walk beside you while you ride the animals.”
“No, Daddy. I want you to ride one too.”
“Your mom would be a lot more fun than me.”
“No, I want you and it’s my birthday.”
“Where did she come up with this?” Brooks asked Kylie helplessly.
Kylie shrugged her shoulders and smiled. “I’m not sure. But you know how she is once she gets an idea in her head.”
Brooks imagined himself on top of a colorful toy, rolling through the mall. It was a public space. Anyone might see him and take pictures. He might meet one of his friends or someone from his construction site. He would never hear the end of it if they passed around a video.
“What if we did something more fun that didn’t make daddy look like a fruitcake?” Brooks asked Celeste. “How about if we rode ATVs out in the mud instead?”
“That’s what you want to do, Daddy, not what I want to do.”
“What about horses? Real horses? We could find a farm and go for a horse ride.”
Celeste shook her head.
“What if we went on a roller coaster? We could drive to Kansas City and go to Worlds of Fun.”
“No, I want the stuffed animal ride.”
Brooks looked over at Kylie and asked, “How did she get so stubborn? Wouldn’t any kid rather go on a roller coaster?”
Kylie shrugged her shoulders again and said, “I think she inherited the stubbornness from you.”
Brooks looked down at Celeste and said, “Be reasonable. You’re too old to like these stuffed animals so much.”
Celeste’s mind remained unchanged.
During the week before her birthday, Brooks agonized over the stuffed animal threat. He came up with bigger and better alternatives. He promised to take Celeste on a motorboat ride. She said it was too cold outside.
“How about Disneyworld? Could we go to Disneyworld instead?”
“On my actual birthday?”
“Well, that’s only a few days away. We need more time to plan a trip like that. But I promise we’ll do it soon.”
“No. It has to be on my birthday.”
Brooks thought about simply refusing to go to the mall. Celeste would cry and pout but eventually she would get over it. Or would she? What if she held it against him for the rest of his life? He did not want his little girl thinking he was the worst dad in the world. He had to do it, no matter how much it hurt.
Luckily for Brooks, Celeste’s birthday was on a weekday. He figured that the best way to avoid being seen on a stuffed animal was to arrive at the mall when it was practically empty. He arranged to take a little time off work on the birthday morning. He arrived at Celeste’s school in his work truck and checked her out of class.
“I’ve never ridden in your work truck,” Celeste cried excitedly as Brooks helped her into the cab.
“It’s your special day. We’re both doing things for the first time,” replied Brooks.
When they reached the mall, Brooks put on a cap and sunglasses he hoped would serve as a disguise. He led Celeste through one of the mall’s department stores and then out into the indoor, two-level space which was home to most of the storefronts.
“I haven’t been in here for years,” Brooks said quietly to his daughter. “Which way to the rides?”
“I’ll show you. Follow me, Daddy.”
Celeste took her father’s hand and set off confidently. On their way, they met two young kids riding a stuffed lion and stuffed pig. Both animals moved slowly and were decorated with flashing LED lights. A parent walked cautiously between the lion and pig, repeating instructions on how to steer and move forward.
“There they are, Daddy!” called Celeste. “We’re gonna be riding ones just like that.”
Brooks grimaced as he looked around to see how many people might be watching. Celeste pulled him all the way to the rental and recharging station. A bored looking woman sat in a small booth next to a sign listing the rental rates. Brooks was disappointed to read that the stuffed animals could handle up to 250 pounds, but he pointed out to Celeste that none of them seemed to be around.
“We’ll wait,” replied Celeste. “They’ll be back.”
Sure enough, a few seconds later, Brooks spotted two twenty-something adults riding toward the station on a stuffed panda and a unicorn decorated with rainbow stripes and a golden horn.
“Daddy, look! I want the panda. And see how grownups can ride them too.”
“Yeah, I see,” said Brooks as if his eyes hurt.
He paid the $5 fee for the minimum rental time and watched as Celeste climbed on the panda.
“You should take the unicorn,” urged Brooks.
“I want the panda.”
“The unicorn would be better for girls. Like a princess on her birthday.”
“No, it wouldn’t. I want the panda.”
Brooks kept his head down as he mounted the unicorn and hunched over the handlebars. Steering was easy and a simple thumb lever controlled the speed. Celeste took off without looking back. Brooks followed, hoping to look inconspicuous.
The panda and unicorn parade rolled through one wing of the mall without interruption. Brooks began to think he could make it through his entire journey unscathed. Then he reached a wide intersecting hallway and almost collided with a rolling stuffed dog and hippo. Sitting on the dog and hippo were Brooks’ friend, Rosco, and Rosco’s girlfriend.
“Brooks!” Rosco called loudly. “Dude, you got the unicorn!”
“I’m here for my daughter’s birthday,” Brooks said quietly.
“We love riding these things too,” Rosco said with a loud laugh. “We do it every time we come. I like racing them. The unicorn is one of the fastest.”
“This is my first time,” said Brooks.
“C’mon. Let’s race to Dillard’s,” called Rosco. He turned his stuffed dog and waved for Brooks to follow.
Rosco was usually more interested in motorcycles than stuffed animals, but Brooks did not want to get left behind. He steered toward Rosco and pushing the unicorn to its max speed. “Follow Daddy!” he called back to Celeste.
Riding on the faster unicorn, Brooks soon caught up to Rosco and they jousted back and forth with outstretched legs. Then Brooks tucked in his limbs for aerodynamics and easily won the race to the Dillard’s entrance.
“Yes! I left you in my dust!” Brooks shouted to Rosco.
“Yeah, yeah. Trade me the unicorn for this tired old dog and we’ll see who wins. We should try the slalom course next.”
Rosco headed down the mall’s main corridor, swerving between benches and planter boxes. Brooks stayed right behind his friend and waved for his daughter to follow him. By the time the slalom course was complete, Brooks and Rosco were laughing about taking their stuffed animals up the escalator to the second floor. Then Brooks noticed that his daughter had disappeared.
“I better go find her,” Brooks said to Rosco. “Think up another racecourse and I’ll meet you back here.”
Brooks returned all the way to the recharging station before locating Celeste. She was standing next to her panda with folded arms and a frown on her face.
“What’s wrong?” asked Brooks.
“Nothing.”
“Our times up. Let me pay for another session and we can ride around some more.”
“No, I want to go home.”
“Aren’t you having fun?”
Celeste grew quiet and serious. “Daddy, you’re being embarrassing. You’re too old to like those stuffed animals so much.”
Brooks dismounted from the unicorn and removed his sunglasses. He laughed at himself and said, “Maybe for your next birthday we can do something I don’t like so much. Like a roller coaster.”
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