Red Lobster Surprise
May 6, 2023 – St. Paul, Minnesota, USA
A perfectly wrapped box sat on Deena’s lap as she watched the passing houses. Her husband, Nathan, navigated the familiar streets where Deena grew up. Neighborhood trees wore full coats of spring leaves and natural vitality hung in the air. Deena and Nathan were due at a birthday party thrown by Deena’s parents.
Nathan gestured to the wrapped box and said, “You didn’t go totally overboard with that did you?”
“You’ll see,” Deena answered with a satisfied grin.
“I don’t like when you spend a bunch of money on joke presents.”
Deena did not reply.
“Do I even want to know what it is?” Nathan asked hesitantly.
“You’ll have to wait and see like everyone else.”
“Promise me that no matter what she gives you, you won’t take it too personally. If you’re going to play this game with each other, you can’t spend the next two months acting mad about it.”
“What do you mean? I don’t get mad,” Deena replied with a defensive laugh.
Deena and her sister, Mallory, were born exactly two years and two days apart. Their parents insisted on celebrating their birthdays at the same time – on the date in between their actual birthdays. This may not have been the only trigger for the sibling rivalry between them, but it certainly pushed things along.
As the sisters became adults, their presents to each other were chosen with an intended edge. The goal became to deliver aggravation, sometimes subtle and sometimes right in the recipient’s face.
On the year Mallory gave her sister weight loss powder, Deena gifted Mallory a facial waxing kit. The year after Deena was married, Mallory presented her a library of books on conflict resolution and how to compromise. Deena happened to buy Mallory a book called “Dating for Dummies.” They loved giving away tickets to terrible shows, horrible tasting health food, unflattering swimsuits, and gaudy jewelry.
They claimed the presents were in good fun, but they always resulted in soul searching. Deena spent weeks after her birthday asking Nathan if she was hard to live with or if she needed to lose weight. It often took a month or two before the sisters could communicate without the chill of the past birthday hanging over them. Yet every year, they forgot the suffering and brainstormed new ways to get under each other’s skin.
As Nathan walked with Deena to her parent’s front door, he recognized the mischievous look on her face and the way she clutched her wrapped present.
“At some point, don’t you think you and Mallory are going to grow out of this thing?” Nathan asked in a voice meant to sound more consoling than naggy.
Deena shrugged her shoulders. “You know how she is. Always has to win at everything.”
“Is it worth all the money and energy?”
“You’ll have to ask her that.”
Nathan and Deena walked into the house to find the usual mix of party guests. The same aunts, uncles, and cousins showed up every year, along with friends Deena’s parents had known since their girls were little. The party’s itinerary was as unchanging as the guest list. First, people stood around small talking and snacking on finger foods. Then Deena’s mom brought out her homemade cheesecake topped with candles. Everyone sang Happy Birthday and then the sisters blew out the candles together. Any presents from guests were handed out and opened until all that remained were Deena and Mallory’s gifts to each other.
This party followed the same pattern. The sisters sat at a table across from each other with the warmup presents already forgotten. Deena revealed the elegantly wrapped box hiding on her lap. Mallory pulled an envelope from her back pocket. Both sisters smiled like they were sitting at a poker table.
Before gifts were exchanged, Mallory’s face suddenly brightened. She gave Deena a loving stare and said, “You know, since I’m turning thirty, it feels like I’m kind of maturing. Since you’re even older, you must feel it even more than me.” Mallory chuckled to show she was only gently teasing Deena about her age. “We’ve given each other things that have been a little childish, maybe even a little mean. I was thinking maybe it’s time to move on and end the tradition.”
Deena’s jaw dropped as her sister continued to speak.
“I want you to know how much you mean to me,” Mallory added. “This year I got you something easy to enjoy. It’s a $100 gift card to Red Lobster. If I remember right, you and Nathan like seafood. I want you to have a nice dinner together.”
Deena’s mouth was wide open in surprise when she accepted the envelope from Mallory and tore it open. Inside was the promised gift card. Deena turned it over in her hands, looking for any possible flaws.
“I’m not sure what to say,” Deena sputtered. “I kind of thought we were still doing our same old kind of presents. If I knew, I would have done something different.”
Mallory reached across the table and grabbed the wrapped box. She carefully removed the paper and looked inside. Then she pulled out an expensive looking perfume bottle. “Daisy. Oh, I love the smell of this,” she said excitedly.
Deena tried to stop her sister from spraying the contents of the bottle into the air. “It’s not exactly what you think.”
Mallory pumped on the bottle and sniffed the resulting mist. Then she coughed and waved the mist away from her face. “Oh, that’s not right. That’s not what I expected.”
Guests around the table caught a whiff and crinkled their noses. “Is that supposed to be roses?” someone asked. “Rotten roses, maybe,” someone else responded.
Deena called out, “It’s the perfume our grandma used to use. Remember how we laughed about it? Well, I found some online. I don’t know why they still make it.”
Mallory nodded. “Yeah, I thought I smelled that before. Did you already have an empty Daisy bottle?”
Deena flushed. “No, I bought that.”
“What did you do with the perfume? You didn’t pour it out did you?”
“I might have.”
“What? You’ve got to be kidding!” Nathan cried.
Deena dropped her head. “I know it sounds kind of stupid. Especially now that I see what Mallory got me.”
“Well, this was kind of a reset,” Mallory quickly interjected. “You can do something different next year.”
On her way home from the party, Deena continued to agonize about what she had done. “Why am I so immature? Why wasn’t I the first one to say let’s stop with the silly stuff? I’m older than she is.”
“Don’t worry too much about it,” Nathan replied reassuringly. “It’s not like you committed a crime or something.”
“I just feel so embarrassed for some reason. Like it all caught up to me at once.”
“I know. But it’s never too late to change.”
Deena felt immature and guilty for days. She got a message from Mallory reading, “I still love the perfume. Ha ha. Have you been to Red Lobster yet?”
“We’ve got to schedule that dinner or Mallory’s going to feel bad,” Deena told her husband.
Nathan replied grimly, “I wish she wouldn’t have remembered wrong. I’m not a seafood guy.”
“We have to go for her sake. One time won’t kill us.”
“Alright. Alright.”
Deena made a reservation for their obligatory dinner and they found themselves staring at a Red Lobster menu.
“We have to blow the whole $100 tonight, because I’m not coming back,” Nathan said.
“Then get the lobster, shrimp, and dessert. That ought to cover it,” Deena replied, looking down the menu.
When their waiter arrived for their order, Nathan recited a long list of items. Their table was soon covered in seafood dishes. Nathan and Deena picked at the different selections until Nathan complained about a stomachache.
“You know, I think I might have a little shellfish allergy. You’ll have to eat the rest.”
“There’s no way I’m finishing all this. I’m remembering I’m not a big lobster lover either.”
“How are you going to tell Mallory we enjoyed it and make sure she never sends us here again?”
“I’ll think of something.”
By the time the waiter brought the bill, Nathan was clutching his stomach. Deena saw that the charges were just under $100 and she handed over Mallory’s gift card.
A minute later, the waiter was back to announce, “There’s a problem with the card. There’s only one dollar left on it.”
“That’s impossible. That’s a $100 card,” Deena argued.
“Maybe it was at one time, but there’s only one dollar left on it.”
Deena was about to argue further when the reality of her situation set in. A smile slowly crept up her lips as she wickedly chuckled. “Nice one, Mallory. Well played.”
Deena pulled out a credit card and handed it to the waiter while Nathan asked, “What’s going on? Did she give us the wrong card?”
“Ha! She knew! She made sure there was only a dollar on that card. She made us spend $100 on a meal we didn’t want. Like she really thought we were seafood fans. She almost put you in the hospital.”
“So I’m guessing the kindler, gentler gift giving thing isn’t actually happening,” Nathan said between groans.
Deena laughed. “Oh, it’s on! Just wait ‘til you see what I come up with next year!”
Please remember to subscribe for weekly reminders about new stories. You can subscribe by clicking here: Subscribe. You can also follow new content on any Podcast platform or on YouTube.