Psycho Cryptography
April 13, 2022 – San Antonio, Texas, USA
The spring skies threatened rain as Leonard Harmon pulled out of the gas station. On his way toward the nearby freeway onramp, he passed a car parked off the pavement with its hood up. A young woman, who was inspecting the engine, turned her head to stare at Leonard as he rolled past her. She was on the verge of tears.
Leonard was not handy around an engine or in the habit of stopping to help strangers, but the girl reminded him of his college-aged daughter. He pulled over and activated his emergency blinkers.
“You need some help?” Leonard called as he cautiously walked up to the girl and the broken car.
The girl had a cute face with unblemished skin. She smiled sweetly as she said, “This car has been dying for a while. I think it’s toast now.”
“You have anybody you can call about it?”
“I’m not so worried about the car, but I can’t miss my meeting in Austin.”
“You’re going all the way to Austin, huh?”
“Just outside the city.”
Leonard looked around as if to check whether anyone was watching. “Well, I’m going to Austin, myself. If it’s an emergency, I guess I could give you a ride if you’d feel comfortable with that.”
“I’m not used to accepting rides from strangers,” the girl said with another grin.
“I’m not used to offering. I won’t feel bad if you feel weird about it.”
The girl shrugged her shoulders. “I’m sure it’s okay. Or what I should say is thanks for the offer. Let me grab my bag.”
The girl picked up her luggage bag, which was leaning against the car. “I’m Elise, by the way.”
“Leonard. My daughter has a friend named Elise.”
“Very cool.”
Leonard opened the rear door of his BMW X3 and Elise lifted her bag inside. Then she eagerly hopped into the passenger seat and began a fast-paced description of the section of San Antonio surrounding them. She hardly took a breath until Leonard merged with I-35 traffic and they were five miles down the highway.
“So, what’s your favorite part of San Antonio?” Elise abruptly asked.
“I won’t say the River District because that’s too touristy.”
Elise prompted Leonard with questions about his favorite destinations, which included his recent trip to Europe. Leonard was flattered when she was interested in hearing about his choice in cars. He grinned like a tween at a school dance when she told him he did not look old enough to have a daughter her age.
“You know, when I said I was going to the outside of Austin, I didn’t tell you it was the far side of Austin. Round Rock actually. You think you can take me all that way?”
“I’m already going that direction,” Leonard said with a wave of his hand. “It’s not that much farther.”
“You’re the best,” Elise replied, stretching out in her seat.
“So, what kind of meeting are you going to? Is it for work or something?”
“Yeah, you could say that. I’m a psychocryptographer.”
“I don’t think I’ve ever heard of that. What is it?”
Elise smiled like she knew a secret. “Accessing information these days is about earning a person’s trust. People hide behind passwords and profiles, but after a little analysis, they’re pretty defenseless.”
“Okay . . . What does that mean? What do you actually do?”
“I figure out passwords.”
“You’re like a hacker?”
Elise scoffed. “I’m a lot closer to a psychologist than a hacker.”
Leonard shook his head skeptically. “It must take a long time to get to know someone well enough to guess their password.”
“Ten minutes at the most. Usually less.”
“Ten minutes? No way.”
“Everyone thinks they’re so unique, but they all fall into just a few patterns. I happen to be very good at picking them out.”
Leonard chuckled. “Impossible. I don’t believe you.”
Elise stared at him like she was sizing up a dress at a clothing store. “Let’s see. You’re a combination of your wife’s name, Laura, if I remember right, an asterisk, and 2001 – when your daughter was born.”
The car swerved as Leonard glanced to his right with dread in his eyes. “How did you do that?”
“I’m not sure of the order, but after a few combinations I should have it,” Elise continued.
Leonard frowned as he gripped the steering wheel. “Who are you? Is this come kind of scam?”
“Sounds like I’m right then, huh?” Elise said with a laugh. “I thought you said it was impossible.”
“I don’t know what’s going on.”
“I told you I was very good at what I do.”
“What do you want from me?”
“Nothing. I’m thankful you’re giving me a ride.” Elise laughed as she glanced at a now rigid Leonard. “I’m not going to hurt you.”
“I shouldn’t have picked you up.”
“I know you’re thinking you did something wrong. Relax. Nothing bad is happening. You’re simply giving me a ride. I’m not going to access any of your accounts.”
“Maybe I should pull over and let you out.”
“You already agreed to take me to Round Rock. From all I know about you, you’re someone who keeps his commitments.”
Elise smiled and stared casually out the window as Leonard snuck glances at her. She pulled her dark hair out of a ponytail and let it fall to one side of her face. She did not remind him of his daughter anymore.
They drove for miles in silence. The longer he sat next to her, the more Leonard’s eyes began to drift from the road toward Elise. She was exotic and dangerous, like a wild animal sitting in his car. He really should have kept his mouth shut and his eyes forward, but an uncontrollable curiosity kept clawing at his spinal cord.
“Are you truly going to Round Rock?”
“Uh huh. Good business there.”
“You mean lots of passwords?”
Elise smirked. “I’m going to an auction. Art, cars, expensive antiques. People who buy that stuff have more money than they know what to do with. They won’t miss some of it.”
“How does it work? Figure out a bank account and empty it out? Like an email scam artist?”
“There’s no scam, but you could call me an artist. I’ve been practicing for a long time. I charm people. Tell them what they want to hear. And I only take what they won’t miss. An amount that looks like a mistake or forgotten extravagance. I don’t want the banks looking very closely. I leave the wire transfer stuff to my partner. She’s got those kind of skills.”
“But fundamentally you’re a thief.”
“A psychocryptographer. I’m giving people something and taking in return. That’s what the whole economy is based on.”
“That sounds like an excuse. You’re not actually working for your money.”
“Oh yes, I am. And I have to stay sharp and practiced. Like any professional.”
Leonard drove another five miles before asking another question. He knew he was better off ignoring her, but he simply could not resist. “Have you ever met anyone famous? And, you know, figured them out?”
“Like a celebrity? An actor or an athlete? If they’re successful, those people have no idea about their money. They trust a manager or an accountant. I’d be a lot more interested in figuring out the manager.”
“Who was the biggest target you ever cracked?”
Elise did not share names, but she was happy to recount stories of deciphering Wall Street bankers in yacht clubs and trust fund playboys in European ski lodges. Did she ever feel in danger? Not really. She was always far away from her targets before using any of their passwords. She kept moving and kept a low profile.
“What about your family? Don’t you have roots anywhere?” Leonard asked.
“Sure. I tell my family I work for the government. Top secret stuff. Explains why I’m gone so much and can’t talk about my job.”
By the time they were halfway to Austin, Leonard forgot his shock and paranoia. He wanted to know how she picked out her victims and the easiest personality types to read. He wanted to know what gave him away when she nailed his password elements.
“I can’t teach you everything in an hour,” Elise replied. “But I can tell you my favorite probing question. I ask people if they’ve ever been told they look like someone famous.”
“Why does that work?”
“I’ll let you figure it out.” Elise sighed like she was bored with the conversation. She peered over at the speedometer. “How fast can this thing go?”
Leonard looked at the speedometer himself. He was doing 85 miles-per-hour to keep up with traffic. “I’ve never tried to push it too hard, but I’ve been wondering the same thing.”
“Why don’t we find out?”
“Now?”
“Why not? You’re a good driver, right?”
Leonard nodded and felt compelled to prove it. He stepped on the gas pedal and the BMW gained speed. Leonard swerved to slip past slower traffic. Elise urged him to go faster.
“Feels pretty good at 105,” she said smoothly. “Let’s see what it’s like at 125.”
Leonard accelerated and gripped the steering wheel. The left lane was clear and the stripes on the road flashed past as he hit 125. Elise laughed and said she might stick her hand out the window to test what it felt like. She was still chuckling with satisfaction when Leonard spotted red and blue lights flashing in the rearview mirror. He swore and instantly slowed down.
“I should have known this was going to happen,” Leonard moaned as he eased the BMW over to the right shoulder. “This is going to cost me big time. Why did you make me do that?”
“I didn’t make you do anything,” Elise replied coolly.
When Leonard stopped, the police officer in the flashing patrol car cautiously approached. He wore sunglasses and moved with a self-important strut.
“Keep your hands where I can see them,” the cop ordered Leonard. “You were way over the speed limit. You in some kind of emergency?”
“No, officer,” Leonard answered miserably.
“Let’s see your license and registration. Proof of insurance.”
Leonard obediently handed over his license and documents. The officer went to work inspecting them and feeding the license into a handheld scanner. He tapped at some buttons as Leonard groaned and asked how much a ticket would cost him.
“Few hundred dollars. I’d be more worried about your insurance company jacking up your rates.”
Leonard scowled at Elise before dropping his head helplessly to his chest. The cop explained getting a future message and how Leonard could dispute the violation in court.
Elise finally registered a reaction. She leaned over to address the highway patrolman as he handed back Leonard’s license. “Excuse me, Office Wagner,” Elise began, reading his name from a tag on his uniform. “This might sound crazy, but has anyone ever said you look like Zack Efron?”
Officer Wagner chuckled. “No, but I’ve heard I look like Miles Teller, from Top Gun Maverick.”
“Yeah, I can see that,” Elise answered flirtatiously. “Did you go to high school around here?”
Officer Wagner looked down at his class ring. “Yeah. Class of 2012.”
“I thought so.”
Elise leaned back in her seat and looked at her fingernails. Leonard and Officer Wagner stared at her like they were expecting more questions. She glanced over at Leonard and said, “I’m done. We can go.”
Officer Wagner took a final, confused peek at Elise before barking out, “Keep it under the speed limit! You have a nice day.” He strutted back to the patrol car.
Leonard turned to Elise. “That’s it? I thought you were going to sweet talk him. Convince him to cancel the ticket.”
“I got something better. C’mon, let’s go.” Elise pointed toward the highway before reaching into her pocket for her phone.
“What are you doing?”
“Just drive.”
Elise tapped around until she reached a login for the highway patrol. She used Officer Wagner’s name and then mumbled to herself as she typed in possible passwords. “Graduation year . . . callsign from Top Gun . . . special character . . . nope . . . change that . . . uh, huh . . . uh, huh . . . okay, got it.”
“You got it?” Leonard cried.
“Deleting . . . deleting . . . deleting,” Elise replied nonchalantly. She held up her phone to show Leonard any record of his speeding had been erased. “You give me a ride, do something nice for me, I do something nice for you.”
“Wow. I can’t believe it. Thank you.”
“Don’t mention it.”
“Now I have to get you to Round Rock,” Leonard said in a relieved voice. “Hey, I just remembered your car back in San Antonio. What are you going to do with that?”
“Oh, that wasn’t my car. I saw it there and just used it as a prop.”
Leonard smirked and shook his head. “Let me guess. Elise isn’t your real name, is it?”
“You’re catching on to psychocryptography pretty fast.”
“So why don’t you have your own car? Surely you can afford it. Why get a ride from me?”
“I like to travel light. And I like the practice. You were a nice warmup before the real thing.”
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