Great Big Airplane
April 22, 2024 – Farmingdale, New York, USA
Brett Kleiner expected to breeze through the private terminal and immediately board his chartered jet. Now he was stuck at a reception counter speaking with an overly polite customer service representative while his wife, Kaycie, and two young children watched. Brett’s anger climbed from his stomach toward his throat.
“I am so sorry, but we had to ground your jet with an engine issue,” the customer rep said after looking up from a computer screen. “And we don’t have any more planes available.”
“How can this happen?” Brett replied in frustration. “I’m paying for a charter to avoid these kinds of hassles. You need to solve the problem.”
“We can get you out tomorrow, but not today.”
Brett ran his fingers through his thick hair and fought to stay composed in front of his five-year-old son, Miles, and four-year-old daughter, Olivia. They looked up at him wearing matching pastel-colored shorts and shirts, ready for their Florida vacation. Brett had promised they would be in the air by now. He turned to the charter company employee and asked, “What about other companies. Do they have any jets?”
“I’ve already checked. Everyone’s booked up. Like I said, I can get you out tomorrow and give you a big discount.”
“I don’t need a discount. I need to get to Orlando today.”
“Then I’m afraid you’ll need to fly commercial.”
Brett reacted as if he smelled an open sewer. “You’ve got to be kidding!”
“I do apologize.”
Brett cursed to himself as he stomped out of the building, motioning for Kaycie and his kids to follow.
“Where are we going, Dad?” Miles asked.
“To find another airplane.”
Brett tapped furiously on his phone as he walked toward a parking lot. He was still searching for flights leaving from nearby airports when he reached the family’s electric SUV. He loaded their luggage before handing his phone to his wife and saying, “Find us the best flight to Orlando.”
With everyone in their seats, Brett drove toward the highway while Kaycie was still frantically comparing airlines and departure times. “I need to know whether to head for LaGuardia or JFK,” Brett said impatiently.
“I’m not sure yet,” Kaycie replied, feeling very pressured.
“Just pick an airport.”
“LaGuardia, I guess.”
Brett redirected as Kaycie narrowed down their options. “I don’t see anything with four first-class seats. Shall I buy four regular seats?”
Brett grimaced. “There’s no way I’m flying coach. We’ll figure it out at the airport. I need to talk with someone in person. This trip is turning into a nightmare. Flying like this is like taking a city bus.”
Avoiding crowds and security lines were not the only reasons Brett was willing to pay the outrageous costs for a private plane. He would not admit it out loud, but his greatest motivation was showing off. He had bounded up the corporate ladder and as a high-paid executive he deserved to travel differently than the general public. Passing that privilege on to his wife and children was one way of showing how fortunate they were to be in his family.
Brett did not have time for many family vacations, but he wanted little Miles and Olivia to remember every trip. He also hoped they would advertise their adventures and chartered jets to the other kids at their private school. Brett considered himself too socially smart to directly brag about wealth or privilege. He relied on his wife and kids to do it indirectly. That was supposed to include the current trip to Florida where they were meeting Brett’s parents and brother. As they waited in line at the theme parks in Orlando, Brett hoped to hear Miles and Olivia tell stories about fancy airplane rides.
Brett’s agitation level had not dropped by the time he drove from the private airfield on Long Island to LaGuardia, the massive public airport in Queens. He parked as close to an entrance as possible, ignoring the cost, and hustled his family out of their SUV and through a set of automatic sliding doors.
“Wow! What is this place?” Miles marveled.
“It’s an airport, like the first one we visited,” Kaycie replied.
“It’s so big!” Miles called.
“Bigger isn’t better,” his dad insisted. “In this case, bigger is a lot worse.”
Brett dragged his family to an escalator that led to ticketing. Miles and Olivia giggled as they rode up the moving stairs.
“Can we do it again, Dad?” Olivia asked.
“No, we can’t do it again. We’re in a hurry.”
Brett walked directly to Delta Airlines’ counter for first class passengers. A young woman greeted him. Her name badge read “Tawney”.
“Are you checking bags?” Tawney asked.
“We don’t have tickets yet,” Brett replied. “I’d like four on your first flight to Orlando. First class.”
“Most people don’t buy tickets here at the airport.”
“This was not my original plan,” Brett replied, pulling a platinum credit card from his phone case. “We were supposed to be on a private jet, but there were mechanical issues.”
Tawney did not act impressed by Brett’s credit card or explanation. She typed on the keyboard in front of her. “I don’t have four first-class seats on any flight today. I’ve got two. You could take two in first class and two in the main cabin.”
Brett thought about how seating arrangements might work with two first class tickets and two in coach. Would he ride up front with one of the kids and put his wife in the back with the other one? No matter how they arranged it, the resulting story would not be good.
“Are you sure you can’t find two more first class seats?” Brett asked Tawney. “Money’s no object. Can’t you push some of those frequent fliers who aren’t really paying first class prices back to coach?”
“I’m sorry. Everything is already reserved. If you want four seats together, you’ll either need to wait until tomorrow or sit in the main cabin with the non-first-class people.”
Brett looked down at the floor as if a doctor had pronounced he only had a week to live.
“I can give you four tickets right now and you’ll still have time to catch the very next flight,” Tawney added.
Brett took three deep breaths and gritted his teeth. “Okay, fine.” He slowly looked around and mumbled to himself, “I hate this place.”
When he finally backed away from the counter holding four paper tickets, Brett looked at his wife and shook his head in failure.
“Are we going on an airplane?” Miles asked.
Brett knelt so he was at eye level with his children. “Yes, we’re going on an airplane, but it’s not a special airplane. I don’t want you to be sad. We have to walk all the way through this big airport and we have to hurry.”
Miles and Olivia smiled in return, thinking their dad was starting one of the silly stories he sometimes told them before bed.
The family hurried to the security checkpoint and Brett growled and sighed dramatically over the long line. He turned to Kaycie and said, “This is gonna take forever. This is why people hate airports.”
Miles and Olivia became fascinated by what was happening in front of them. “What’s that table for? Why’s it moving?”
“It’s a conveyor belt,” Brett answered flatly. “They’re checking all the luggage and what people are wearing.”
“Why are they checking?”
“To make sure no one has a gun.”
“Do we have a gun?”
“No.”
“Why are those people taking off their shoes?”
“I don’t know. It’s dumb.”
“Do I get to take off my shoes?”
“Yes.”
When Miles and Olivia reached the bins and conveyor belts, they excitedly took off their shoes and watched them disappear inside an X-ray machine. They smiled and giggled at the TSA agents and announced, “We’re going on an airplane.”
The family was ushered through a metal detector and Miles had lots of questions about how it worked and whether it would detect the iron in his blood.
“Can we go through again?” Miles asked.
“No, we have to hurry,” his dad replied, handing him his shoes.
The family reached a wide-open concourse lined with numbered gates and an enormous ceiling. The kids looked around in awe and spotted the large jetliners parked outside.
“Are we going on one of those big airplanes?” Miles shouted.
His dad ignored the question and pushed him toward a moving sidewalk. Miles and Olivia laughed and waved as they watched people move past them.
“We’re going on an airplane!” Olivia called out.
Many of their fellow passengers stopped to say, “Have a good trip.”
“I like this ride,” Miles said to his dad. “This is fun.”
“No, it’s not,” Brett replied. “No one likes being in an airport.”
Miles was not listening because he spotted the restaurants between departure gates. “Dad, are we getting food? Look, we can get hamburgers.”
“We don’t have time. We have to catch the flight.”
Their gate was near the end of the concourse. As they got close, Miles was the first to see familiar faces. “Look Dad! It’s Uncle Ryan!”
Brett immediately recognized his brother, sister-in-law, niece, and nephew. He turned to Kaycie and muttered, “You’ve got to be kidding me. We’re on the same flight as Ryan. Can this day get any worse?”
Miles and Olivia ran to greet their young cousins while Brett approached more nonchalantly. His brother shouted a surprised welcome.
“No way! You’re flying with us in the cheap seats?”
Brett shrugged his shoulders. “Looks that way.”
“No private jet this time?”
Brett shook his head like it was no big deal.
“You must be in first class then. They already called for you to board.”
Brett let go of the bag he had been dragging and sternly folded his arms. “Nah, no first class today.”
Ryan gave him a worried look. “Is everything okay? Are you still working?”
“Of course I’m still working. I’m killing it at work just like I’ve always been. We just had a little mix-up today. The jet I chartered had a problem.”
“Oh, okay,” Ryan replied, not looking totally convinced. “That’s good to hear.”
While the two dads talked, the young cousins eagerly showed each other the snacks in their backpacks. Then they made plans for a sleepover.
When boarding time arrived, Brett lined up his children behind Kaycie and followed them down the jetway and onto the plane.
“This is so big!” Miles shouted. “There’s a lot more room than the little planes we went on before.”
Brett shook his head at Miles’ lack of understanding. As his kids drifted down the plane’s aisle, they smiled and said hello to every passenger already in their seats. Brett avoided eye contact, especially with anyone in first class. He passed his brother’s family and nodded at them like he was on his way to a root canal. His seat was near the back.
“Is that a bathroom? Yay! We get to sit by a bathroom!” Miles shouted.
The kids slid into their seats and were mesmerized by the video touch screen directly in front of them. Their mom explained they could watch movies or play games on the screen.
“This is the best airplane in the world!” Olivia shouted. “Everyone watches their own movie?”
Brett rolled his eyes and stared at his phone as the plane took off and climbed to cruising altitude. The flight attendants pushed around a drink and snack cart. Miles and Olivia paused their movie long enough to choose a soda and cookies.
“I like having drinks on an airplane,” Miles said.
“When we fly on the little planes, they always have drinks in a refrigerator,” his mom reminded him.
“I know, but you have to get them yourself. On this plane, someone brings them to you.”
“Yeah, and you get to choose anything you want,” Olivia added.
Both kids wanted to see and use the bathroom. They returned to their seats raving about how big it was. Brett pretended to ignore them and concentrated on sending demanding text messages to his underlings at work.
When they landed at Orlando’s international airport, Miles and Olivia were just as excited by the sights and sounds as they had been at LaGuardia. They excitedly held hands with their cousins as they rode a train from one terminal to another.
“I love riding big airplanes!” Miles shouted.
Olivia agreed. So did the cousins.
Brett rented a car at the same agency Ryan used and followed him to the rental house their parents had reserved for the week. Over the next few days, everyone appeared to enjoy the warm weather and the theme parks. When asked about his favorite ride, Miles continued to answer that it was the “great big airplane.” Every time Miles repeated it, Brett shot his wife a wounded glance.
“He’s too young to appreciate luxury,” Kaycie whispered to her husband. “Don’t let it bother you. You know I love the private jets.”
“Then how about we take the charter home and leave the kids with Ryan and the big airplane?”
“That’s a lot of kids to handle.”
“I know. I’m only joking. I know family vacations are mostly about showing the kids a good time. No matter how much you get to suffer.”
Kaycie smiled back sympathetically. “It could be a lot worse. What if they loved driving to Florida?”
As they left the park after their final afternoon at Disneyworld, Brett announced to his kids that the fun was not over. They had one more amazing ride in front of them. “We’re taking the big airplane home. I canceled our little plane.”
“Yay!” Miles and Olivia shouted. “Will they bring us drinks again?”
“Yes, I’m sure they’ll bring you drinks again,” Brett said with a roll of his eyes. “I wouldn’t want to inconvenience you with a walk to a private plane’s refrigerator.”
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