Gold Digging
May 4, 2024 – McKinney, Texas, USA
Jake stepped out of the rust-colored metal building that served as headquarters for Diggers. While the outside resembled a barn, the interior was separated into a customer reception area, safety training stations, and an employee break room. Jake looked toward the bulldozers waiting for their first action of the morning on the far side of the adjoining dirt lot.
Jake’s supervisor, Ivan, stood next to him and asked, “You nervous?”
“Should I be?” Jake replied.
“Nah. You know the controls like they’re a part of your hands. The only thing new will be talking people through it. And you’re a good talker.”
Jake smiled at the compliment. He had worked in real construction for seven years and knew how to drive every diesel-powered machine that existed. He made good money but his sister thought it was a shame for a people person like Jake to be stuck inside a dump truck all day. When she heard about Diggers, she nagged Jake to apply as an instructor.
Diggers advertised itself as a heavy equipment playground. Anyone over the age of twelve could sit at the controls of a full-sized excavator or bulldozer and pretend they were part of a construction crew. To keep things safe, their every move was supervised by Diggers employees. Today would be Jake’s first live run with real customers.
“Let me do the talking for the first session,” Ivan told him. “Then I’ll turn you loose on your own.”
Jake and Ivan greeted an excited young couple, Emma and Hector, who looked to be in their twenties. After watching a five-minute safety video, they put on orange safety vests and followed Ivan to the waiting bulldozers.
“We think the best way to learn the equipment is to just get in and start moving stuff,” Ivan explained. “We’ll have you driving in less than a minute.”
The couple giggled as Ivan handed out headsets with built-in microphones. “Can you hear me?” he asked into his own microphone.
“Yes,” Emma and Hector responded, holding up their thumbs.
“I’ll be with you every step of the way,” Ivan added reassuringly. “You have any question or problem, just say something. Now, are you ready for some fun?”
The couple cheered enthusiastically before taking selfies next to a bulldozer. Ivan first helped Emma onto the bulldozer’s tracks and into its cab. He flew through an explanation of the left and right joysticks used to move forward and backward and lift or lower the front blade. Emma nodded that she understood. Before he closed the door to the cab, Ivan said to her, “You know, you remind me a lot of Scarlett Johansson. Don’t mind me if I accidently call you Scarlett sometimes.”
Emma giggled and said she would not mind. Ivan then helped Hector into the second bulldozer and repeated the joystick instructions. Ivan closed the second cab and walked to a point between the bulldozers where Jake was standing. Then he told the customers to release the bulldozers’ brakes and move forward.
Ivan patiently explained lowering the blade into the ground and pushing dirt into a pile. Based on his instructions, the bulldozers slowly moved forward and back and their dirt piles rose in height until they were as tall as the bulldozers themselves. After driving up and over the piles, the bulldozers set to work pushing dirt back into the hole they created.
Ivan continued to calmly chatter over the headsets. He assured Emma and Hector they were doing great and asked if they were having fun. They cheered in reply. Half the time, Ivan referred to Emma by her real name and half the time he called her Scarlett.
After the bulldozers finished the session and restored the dirt pile and hole back to level ground, Ivan specifically said to Hector, “Are you sure you haven’t done this before? You’re a natural. We’re hiring instructors if you’re interested. In a couple of days, you could be running all the machines we’ve got.”
Hector was obviously flattered. He chuckled and said, “I’ll see about quitting my day job.”
The couple took more pictures after jumping off the bulldozers. They returned the headsets and safety vests to Ivan. Before leaving, Hector handed Ivan $40 as a tip. Ivan thanked him repeatedly and then the couple disappeared.
“Well, you ready for the next session?” Ivan asked Jake. “Just have them dig the hole and then cover it up. Keep telling them how great they’re doing.”
“Yeah, I got it,” Jake replied. “But let me ask you about something. Why did you tell that kid, Hector, he should apply for a job? From what I saw he was nothing special. He was about as good as the girl.”
Ivan laughed. “It’s all for the tips. When a couple like that shows up, 99% of the time it was the guy’s idea to come to Diggers. They’re the ones paying the fee and they’re the ones handing out any tips. You need to butter them up right before they leave and every guy wants to hear they were awesome with the machines. Like they were so good you want to hire them. But you have to sound sincere.”
Jake grinned. “Okay, I get it.”
“And it was no accident I said the girl looked like Scarlett Johansson,” Ivan continued. “Whether she does or not, you just think of some hot celebrity and say the girl reminds you of her. It makes them feel good and it makes the guys they’re with feel like VIPs who could be paired up with someone beautiful.”
“I don’t know if I can say all that with a straight face,” Jake replied, still grinning.
“You better, if you want to get paid. It works every time. And you can make more from your tips than your salary if you say the right things.” Ivan motioned to a couple walking into the reception area. “Your first customers. Go make them believe.”
The couple was more mature than Emma and Hector. Jake hurried over and introduced himself. He tried to sound like a smooth veteran instructor. When he learned their names were Bo and Marilynn, Jake tried hard to think of a celebrity that might have any resemblance to Marilynn. He ended up asking, “Has anyone ever said you remind them of Scarlett Johansson?”
Marilynn smiled and laughed in surprise. “No, I’ve never heard that one. But I like it.”
“I don’t want you flirting with my wife,” Bo said good naturedly.
“I can’t help it,” Jake replied.
The three of them walked outside where Jake fitted them with headsets and introduced them to the bulldozers. He knew exactly how the controls worked so it was easy to talk Bo and Marilynn through the exercise of plowing up a pile of dirt and then pushing it back into the hole they made. From their exclamations and laughter, Jake could tell his customers were having a good time. Periodically, he slipped “Scarlett” in when referring to Marilynn. She did not seem to mind.
As the bulldozers made their final passes to smooth out the ground, Jake said as sincerely as possible, “Bo, are you sure you haven’t done this before? We could use someone like you on our crew of instructors. We’ve got some openings if you’re interested.”
Bo chuckled and said, “I might just have to take you up on that. I’ve always enjoyed tinkering with machines.”
Jake nodded with appreciation and hoped Bo did not actually follow through with a job application. On his way out the door, Bo slipped Jake $50.
“I had a lot of fun,” Bo said.
“Tell your friends about us,” Jake called, very pleased with himself. He could hardly wait for his next chance at a tip. It walked through the door only a few minutes later.
Claire and Stefan were not dressed as casually as the first customers Jake met. Stefan wore suede dress shoes, tan slacks, and a sport jacket. Claire was in a dress better suited for a garden party than a construction site. Stefan balked at replacing his jacket with a bright safety vest.
“Put it on,” Claire told him with a laugh. “It’s only temporary.”
“Fine, but no pictures,” Stefan snapped.
“Oh, I’m taking plenty of pictures,” Claire replied happily.
On the way to the bulldozers, Claire regretted her choice of shoes. “What was I thinking wearing heels?”
“You sure you can make it?” Jake asked her.
“I’m fine. I’ve navigated a lot worse than this.”
Jake almost forgot his line about Scarlett Johansson but slipped it in as he showed Claire the bulldozer joysticks.
“Oh, you’re a sweet talker,” Claire said as she slapped Jake’s arm.
During Stefan’s introduction to the bulldozer’s cab, he acted repulsed at touching the buttons and control sticks. “Let’s get this over with,” he said to Jake.
Jake returned a friendly smile and began instructions for moving the bulldozers and their blades. Claire followed precisely. Stefan was all over the place and indifferent. When Jake asked if they were having fun, Claire joyfully screamed. Stefan refused to respond.
By the time their dirt piles were supposed to be flattened, Claire’s section looked level and pristine. Stefan’s plot was a haphazard mess that would need to be fixed before the next customers arrived.
Jake hated sounding insincere, but he remembered Ivan’s full-proof advice about tips. “Nice work, Stefan,” Jake said flatly into his headset microphone. “I can tell you’ve used these machines before. If you’re ever interested in an instructor job, please look us up.”
Stefan remained silent as Claire said, “Yeah honey, how’d you like to work construction?”
When he was released from the bulldozer’s cab, Stefan hurried back to Diggers headquarters, yanking off his safety vest. Claire and Jake followed with Claire wondering if she could walk faster in bare feet. When they reached the reception room, Stefan had disappeared into the bathroom to wash his hands.
Jake smiled awkwardly toward Claire and said, “I hope you had a good time.”
“I had a great time,” she assured him.
“How did the two of you find out about us?”
“One of my friends said I had to try it. Took me a month to convince Stefan.”
“This was your idea?”
“Oh yeah. I grew up on a farm driving tractors. Stefan hates anything to do with dirt.”
Jake blushed as he thought about his false compliment of Stefan. Claire must have easily seen through him and concluded he was a clueless brownnoser. So much for Ivan’s foolproof system. Jake decided he would not risk more embarrassment by using it again. As he was about to slink away, Claire motioned him closer. She held out a wad of cash and insisted he take it.
“I want to thank you for being so patient, especially with Stefan. I loved how you tried to make him feel good about himself with that job offer line. You don’t need to worry about him asking for an application.” Claire laughed to herself.
Jake blushed again as he thanked her. “You know, maybe I should be offering you a job.”
“What fun that would be,” Claire replied brightly.
Stefan emerged from the bathroom and he and Claire walked out together. Claire paused long enough to wink at Jake. He froze in a confused daze while still clutching her money. Maybe Ivan’s system worked every time after all. Jake would have plenty more chances to find out.
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