November 5, 2021 – Atlanta, Georgia, USA
Marcel and Cheryl peeked over the top of Stanton Lawson’s cubicle as he made the call to the nearby Italian restaurant. Stanton had been elected to resurrect the group lunches the office missed since their old boss left. That boss had chosen the food, advertised the lunch, and collected money from participants.
“No, we want it for Monday,” Stanton said to the restaurant manager. “I think the calzones would be best. Uh huh. Yeah. Okay, I’ll tell you how many total on Monday morning.”
Stanton ended the call and Marcel and Cheryl hurried into his cubicle space to find out how he had done. “They’re willing to give us each two pepperoni calzones for $10. That’s their specialty, right?” said Stanton.
“Yeah, that’s a good deal,” said Marcel. “No way anyone’s eating both calzones. We’ll all be able to take home leftovers.”
“We all have to get the same thing, though. They don’t want to mess with a complicated order. That’s part of the deal,” added Stanton.
“I think we’ll all be okay with that,” said Cheryl enthusiastically. She was brand new to the office and had never experienced Monday group lunches, but she had heard good things and was eager to see the tradition restarted.
“So how should I do this? Send everyone an email asking if they want to join in?” asked Stanton.
“I’d make a Google Doc,” answered Cheryl. “Have everyone fill in yes or no. That’ll be easier to keep track of then twenty email responses.”
“Sure. What about inviting the tightwad?” asked Marcel.
“Who’s the tightwad?” asked Cheryl.
“Bob Geiss. Haven’t you figured that out yet?” said Marcel.
“He’s a tightwad? Doesn’t he have more accounts than anyone?”
“Just because he makes a lot of money doesn’t mean he spends any of it,” replied Stanton.
“If you go out on a sales call with him, he’ll always want to ride in your car,” said Marcel. “He’ll come up with some excuse like his car is low on gas or one of the tires isn’t right or he’s missing a brake light.”
“And don’t believe him when he wants to split a commission,” said Stanton. “You’ll do all this work thinking you’re getting half of the money and then there’s an ‘accounting error’ and you end up with zip.”
“When he goes on a trip, he’ll pocket all his per diem food money and take along a loaf of bread and jar of peanut butter,” added Marcel.
“I once saw him buy a suit in the morning, keep the tags on and wear it to impress a client, and then return it in the afternoon,” said Stanton.
“Okay, I got it. The guy is careful with his money,” said Cheryl with a laugh. “Maybe he’s got a big family he has to feed.”
“No way. It’s just him and his 401K,” said Marcel. “And he’ll tell you all about that if you’re interested.”
“I’m not,” said Cheryl. “But you’ve got to at least invite everybody to lunch, right? Even if they decide not to come.”
“Yeah, you’re right,” agreed Stanton. “I’ll put everyone on the message and see who bites.”
Stanton went to work creating the Google Doc and composing his message. For the most part, he liked all of his colleagues working out of the cleaning supply company’s sales office. Even Bob was tolerable as long as he was not talking about money or bragging about monthly sales totals. A weekly staff meeting on Mondays meant it was the only day of the week when the whole sales team was onsite and available for lunch. Otherwise, they were off meeting with clients or working from home.
The only person Stanton did not include on the email message was the new boss, Lara. He was not sure how she would feel about group lunches. She was still hard to read and did not spend much time socializing. By keeping Lara off the list, the lunch felt more like a group of friends getting together than an official company function.
As soon as Stanton hit Send on his message, positive replies filled his inbox.
“Love the idea. I’m in,” wrote one colleague.
“Thanks for bringing this back. I miss our old lunches,” wrote another.
Within five minutes, half of the names on his Google Doc had Yes responses next to them. To Stanton’s surprise, a Yes soon appeared next to Bob’s name.
“Hey Marcel,” Stanton whispered over his cubicle wall. “Guess who just checked yes to the lunch.”
Marcel pulled up the Google Doc on his computer. “Bob? You’re kidding. I guess he really likes calzones. He’ll probably divide each one in half and get four meals out of this lunch.”
Stanton smiled and leaned back in his chair, just in time to see a new email message arrive from Anna.
“Any way I can get something other than a pepperoni calzone? If you remember, I’m a vegetarian. Hopefully they won’t mind doing plain cheese.”
Stanton rolled his eyes and sighed. This was one of the reasons he did not want to be in charge of the lunch. There was always someone who was not satisfied and needed a special order. He would spend more time fussing over Anna’s calzone than all the rest put together. The restaurant manager had given him such a good deal because all the calzones were supposed to be the same.
Stanton wrote back to Anna with, “Let me see what I can do.” Then he dialed the restaurant.
“I talked to you earlier about a bunch of calzones on Monday, but I forgot we have a vegetarian. I know we agreed on all pepperoni, but is there any way I can get a couple of cheese thrown in there too?”
The restaurant manager grunted. “This is how it starts. Pretty soon I’m leaving out sauce or cheese or making something gluten free.”
“I just need the two cheeses. That’s it. I promise.”
“I need to charge you extra. Another two bucks for the trouble.”
“That’s fine. Thank you, thank you. I’ll call back on Monday morning with our totals.”
Stanton thought hard about the best way to handle the extra $2. Making Anna pay it seemed simplest, but not quite fair. It would look like punishing her for being a vegetarian. What if she made a stink? Why did he let Marcel talk him into coordinating this?
Eventually, Stanton decided he should simply spread the extra cost among everybody. With twenty people in the group, and all of them replying they wanted lunch, they would each only end up paying an extra ten cents. He composed another email message.
“Looks like everyone is going to join Monday’s lunch! I know I told you about sending me $10 on Venmo on Monday for the calzones but it turns out they’re going to charge us $2 extra for some plain cheese calzones for Anna. So please plan on sending me $10.10.”
The first few responses were things like, “Okay” and “No problem.” And then Bob replied to everyone on the email list.
“I’m not subsidizing a vegetarian option.”
Stanton growled to himself as he read Bob’s message. Why had he listed to Marcel? Stanton replied to the group with, “It’s only 10 cents.”
Bob replied to everyone with, “It’s the principle of the thing. What am I getting for my 10 cents? You can take me off the list.”
A moment later, the Yes next to his name on the Google Doc switched to a No.
Stanton wanted to reply with something snarky, but he had learned his lesson about getting into angry email battles. He let it go.
On Monday morning, Stanton made the call to the restaurant for a total of nineteen calzone orders. All nineteen of his coworkers sent in their requested $10.10 using Venmo. Stanton simply paid the extra ten cents they were short due to Bob’s refusal to help with the extra two-dollar fee.
The smell of calzones filled the office as soon as the delivery driver arrived at 11:45. Stanton, Marcel, and Cheryl carried aluminum foil containers to the breakroom and spread them over the four tables used for lunch. Others in the office could not resist the smell and they drifted into the breakroom, eager to start lunch.
“Not yet,” replied Marcel. “The whole idea of the group lunch is that we’re eating together.”
“If you want to start now, go collect everyone else,” added Stanton.
Five minutes later, all nineteen lunch eaters crowded around the breakroom tables. Sales calls were cut short and messages left unsent. Business was forgotten as everyone greedily grabbed for their two calzones.
“These things are huge! Good call!” someone shouted, holding up a calzone the size of a watermelon slice.
“Oh yeah, now that’s good,” someone else said, with his mouth full after taking a bite.
“We should be having calzones every Monday!” called a third person.
“I kinda want to see what other deals Stanton can find for us,” said Marcel. “Maybe a taco place. Or Indian food.”
“It doesn’t have to be me deciding,” Stanton interjected. “We should rotate who’s in charge of Monday lunch.”
“I say we stick with you,” said Marcel. “You’re doing a great job so far.”
Stanton glared at Marcel, who smiled playfully in reply.
The volume in the breakroom increased as everyone enjoyed their calzones and talked happily about their weekends. Five minutes after noon, Bob walked in and the noise level instantly dropped. People pretended to continue their conversations, but all eyes were on him. He went to the shared refrigerator, pulled out a frozen burrito, and popped it into the microwave. Two minutes later, he sat with his burrito in an empty chair at the table closest to the door.
“Mmmm mmm! These calzones sure are delicious!” a voice called out. “I’m glad I’m not warming up something I brought from home.”
There was plenty of sniggering around the room, but Bob pretended not to notice. He kept his eyes on his burrito as the noise level returned to where it was before he arrived.
And then Lara walked in. Volume dropped again and it was apparent to everyone in the room that she felt uncomfortable. She obviously wondered why the entire staff was having a good time without her. She walked quickly to the refrigerator, pulled out one of the smoothies she usually had for lunch, and started back toward her office. Before she reached the door, Bob stopped her.
“I closed on that new school district account up in Stone Mountain,” he said to Lara.
“Oh wow. Congratulations. That’s going to be huge deal,” she replied.
“You made your decision about Sales Director yet?” asked Bob.
“Not quite yet. But I’m getting close.”
The conversation with Bob gave Lara more time to look around the room. She noticed the large calzones. Then she realized everyone but Bob was eating the same thing.
“What’s going on? What are those, calzones? How come you’re all having the same lunch?” she called out.
“It’s a group lunch. We used to do it all the time,” someone replied loudly from the far corner of the room.
“Stanton decided to bring it back. He made a deal for the calzones,” added Marcel.
“I can see you’re enjoying yourselves,” replied Lara. “Seems like a really good idea for building morale and teamwork. You know what, lunch is on me. Send me the receipt and I’ll cover it.”
A cheer exploded, followed by applause. Lara smiled and nodded and then left for her office.
“Definitely the best Monday lunch ever!” shouted one of the older employees.
Then one of Bob’s coworkers noticed him glaring at his burrito. “Too bad you didn’t get your free calzones like the rest of us,” she said in a voice loud enough for the whole room to hear.
“But thanks for stopping Lara,” added Marcel. “If it weren’t for you, she would have walked right out without noticing the calzones.”
Bob quickly swallowed the rest of his burrito and left the breakroom without saying a word.
A week later, Stanton was back in charge of coordinating the next Monday lunch. This one featured tacos, as Marcel requested, and Lara’s name was on the Google Doc tracking participants. As he got off the phone with the taco place, Stanton was afraid he was going to be stuck with the lunch planning job for the rest of his career.
“You coming to staff meeting?” Marcel called from over the cubicle wall.
“Yeah, I’m coming,” replied Stanton. “No thanks to you, I have to spend a bunch of extra time taking food orders.”
“Much appreciated,” said Marcel with a grin. “I’ll save you a seat in the conference room.”
As the meeting got started, Lara seemed distracted and a little irritated as she stood in front of the room.
“I’m a big fan of comradery and teamwork,” Lara began. “That’s why I like this Monday lunch idea and I agreed to pay for last week’s calzones.” Then she turned to Bob. “But I’m afraid my offer for lunch only applied to the group activity. I got your reimbursement request for your burrito. I’m not paying the $1.49.”
“I was eating next to everyone else. It’s not fair that they got to eat for free and I didn’t,” Bob argued.
“This isn’t about fairness,” said Lara.
“It’s about cheapness,” whispered Marcel.
If Lara heard Marcel’s remark, she ignored it. She looked around the room and lingered on Stanton. “As you know, I want to appoint a Sales Director to help organize accounts and assign new leads. It comes with a salary bump. I’ve changed my mind a bit on what I’m looking for. At first, I was going to decide primarily based on sales performance, but I’ve realized collegiality is just as important. I shouldn’t put him on the spot like this, but I’d like to offer the job to Stanton.”
Everyone in the room turned to stare as Stanton blushed. “What do you think?” Lara asked him.
“I wasn’t expecting this. Can we talk more about what it would mean?” replied Stanton.
“Sure. After the meeting,” said Lara.
When things wrapped up, most of his coworkers stuck around to congratulate Stanton. Conspicuously absent was Bob, something Cheryl pointed out.
“He’s probably busy calculating how much that $1.49 burrito cost him,” said Marcel. “More like what the ten cents he refused to pay for Anna’s calzone really cost him,” said Cheryl.
Please remember to subscribe for weekly reminders about new stories. You can subscribe by clicking here: Subscribe. You can also follow new content on any Podcast platform or on YouTube.