Dear Leader
May 3, 2022 – Rochester, New York, USA
Two days back in the office and Conner Stubbs was still not used to his old cubicle. But his face-to-face reunion with eight colleagues felt strangely refreshing after two years of working from home. Now that the travel support team for Boyd Howell International was following all their old procedures, they were expected to be at peak capacity.
One former habit Conner quickly fell back into was watching the clock above his cubicle wall when quitting time grew close. At 4:45, his phone rang unexpectedly. The voice on the line introduced himself as Brick Havens. Brick was a couple of sentences into the conversation before Conner recognized he was speaking to the company’s CFO.
“You probably noticed Deirdre’s not in the office,” Brick said.
“Yeah, I wondered about her,” Conner answered.
“She decided not to come back, which means we have a hole in the director spot. How would you like to be acting director for the group?”
Conner had never considered himself a manager. He simply filled in the required forms and inspected travel receipts. He barely knew that Boyd Howell was a furniture company. But he did not hesitate to reply to Brick with, “Sure. I’ll give it a try.”
“It comes with a bump in pay,” said Brick. “We can talk about that when I come by later in the week.”
Conner put down the phone and stood up in his cubicle; it was one of ten dividing the room. This was now his kingdom. From the clock on the north wall to the memo whiteboard on the south, his word was law. Conner grabbed the four empty cans of cream soda on his desk – the beginning of a planned pyramid – and threw them into a recycling bin.
Conner recognized he needed solid advice on being a boss. No one had groomed him for the position. Deirdre’s surprise departure meant he did not have time to attend training classes the company might offer. He naturally turned for help to his closest peer group. They had clung together since high school and still hung out at least once a week. Tuesday night, right after the Brick phone call, happened to be one of those gathering times.
Sometimes Conner and his friends played Dungeons and Dragons or card games. Other times they critiqued movies or acted like a book club. Activities and subjects were decided by Charles, who had the loudest opinions. He went by Che and his favorite topic was how big corporations were ruining the world. For Che, the revolution to destroy the corporate world order could not come fast enough.
Most of the time, the group met at a McDonald’s within walking distance of Che’s house. They tried other coffee shops, but the McDonald’s coffee was cheap and the Wi-Fi connection strong. No one hassled them to leave their usual booth.
When Che slid into his usual spot wearing a green army jacket, Elena slid in next to him. She had an on-and-off relationship with Che. It changed as frequently as her hairstyle. At the moment, she was into buzz cuts, knit hats, and no touching.
Conner sat across from Che and Elena and next to Owen. If Che was the group’s de facto spokesman, Owen was their best listener. He rarely said a word or had any human interaction outside their gatherings.
“Starting today, I’m the director at work,” Conner announced casually, slipping in the news after Che took a breath during a rant about gas prices.
“What do you mean the director?” Che asked, as if Conner’s words had knocked him to the ground and he was struggling to clear his head.
“I’m in charge of the travel team. The CFO called me.”
“How’d that happen? You been brownnosing? I didn’t think you were that kind of sellout.”
“I didn’t ask for it. He called me. I guess I’m doing okay with the travel stuff.”
Che remained dumbfounded as Elena and Owen smiled at Conner and said he deserved it.
“I wanna be a good boss, but I’m not sure where to start,” Conner said. “What would you guys do?”
Before Eleana could get a word out, Che had jumpstarted his brain. He said confidently, “You first need to establish dominance. Like you’re a step above them. They should adore you. Worship you.”
Conner smiled awkwardly as Che continued.
“Powerful leaders put up pictures of themselves. Go into any home in Cuba and you’ll see a picture of Castro. Same thing with the great leaders in Asia. Even right-wing governments like in the U.S. put up pictures of the president. So your picture better be all over that office.”
Elena chuckled. “What are you trying to do, sabotage him? Are you jealous or something? You can be serious about the picture thing.”
“I am serious,” Che argued. “Go to any government office and it’s obvious who’s in charge because you see their picture.”
Conner was thoughtful as he asked, “What else?”
“You have to make them dependent on you,” Che continued. “You control the resources. Make them grateful to you every day.”
“How am I supposed to do that?”
“Think of what they need most. You’ll figure it out.”
Conner squinted his eyes as if he was concentrating. “What else?”
“Your workers need a common enemy, but it can’t be you. The people will always have some discontent. You need a scapegoat they can hate.”
Che continued to talk, and the more he did, the better it sounded to Conner. Elena and Owen became sold, too, and they nodded along as Che described how he would run the country when given the chance.
On his way home from McDonald’s, Conner stopped at a craft supply store and bought a dozen 8×10 inch frames. He printed copies of his best headshot – one taken when he graduated from college – and slid them into the frames.
Conner put on a tie the next morning; it was the same tie he wore in his photo. He arrived at the office while it was still dark outside and placed a picture frame in each of the cubicles. He hung the extras on the clock wall and next to the whiteboard.
Conner had thought hard about resources in the office. He moved the water cooler into his cubicle so that everyone would have to come to him for a drink. Then he removed all the staples from the staplers and paper from the copier. He cleared a spot on his desk for necessary office supply storage. Anyone who wanted to print or attach forms together would need his help and feel grateful.
As the first of his colleagues arrived, Conner stood outside his cubicle in welcome. Each new arrival spotted the framed picture inside their workspace and chuckled like it was a practical joke. Deena, who sat closest to Conner, laughed the loudest.
“What’s this supposed to be?” she called to Conner. “You graduating from college again? You want me to buy you a present?”
With Deena’s arrival, all eight of Conner’s new employees were accounted for. He figured it was time for an announcement. “I got a call yesterday from Brick Havens, the CFO. He asked me to take over as manager.”
“What happened to Dierdre?” Deena asked.
“She quit. Brick wants me in charge.”
“Why you? Is this why you put your picture up? Don’t you think that’s a little ridiculous?” Cedric asked, from the far side of the room.
Conner hesitated before straightening his tie and replying, “That might seem kind of strange to some of you. I wanted to let you know that I’ll always be here to help. And I’m your friend first and your director second.”
“Why did you move the water cooler? Where is it?” Deena asked.
“Here, next to me,” Conner said excitedly. “I wanted more chances to talk with everyone and find out how things are going. I want to be part of your success.”
“I liked things the way they were!” Karina shouted.
“Please, let’s try it and see how things go,” Conner replied. “I’m happy to be leading this team to even greater heights. You’re going to love the new office.”
The stunned faces peering over their cubicle walls eventually dropped out of sight. Conner was still smiling painfully when he fell into his chair and stared at his computer monitor. Five minutes later, he was still staring, without even touching his mouse. He replayed his little speech in his head, wishing it had sounded smoother. Then he realized someone was standing behind him. He turned to find Deena.
“I need staples. Did you move those when you were moving the water?”
Conner eagerly reached for a cartridge of staples from his stash of supplies. “You need staples, I got staples.”
“Thanks. I guess,” Deena replied, accepting Conner’s offering.
“So how are things going? Do you like being back?” Conner asked.
Deena shrugged her shoulders. “Too early to tell.”
“How about me? How do you think I’m doing so far?”
“Too early to tell.”
Deena returned to her own cubicle and Conner returned to staring at his monitor. Then he heard the sound of dripping water. He turned to find Cedric filling a water bottle using the relocated cooler.
“Have as much as you want,” Conner said cheerfully. “Gotta stay hydrated. You need anything else? Staples? Paper?”
“No,” Cedric replied dryly.
“I have a feeling you will soon enough.”
For the rest of the morning, Conner did little more than pass out office supplies to frustrated coworkers. He tried to suck them into conversations, but was mostly met with eyerolls and sharp, one-word replies. The only person willing to talk was Bethany, and she wanted to know why the CFO had chosen Conner rather than someone with more experience and better performance reviews.
Conner could feel the discontent in the room. He heard the whispering between cubicles and knew it was about him. When his employees walked past his desk, they glared and sniggered. Had he gone too far with the picture and the office supplies? Was Che’s advice meant to sabotage him after all? Conner thought back to the McDonald’s meeting. Elena and Owen had been skeptical of Che’s advice at first, but by the end of the conversation, they were believers. Che must have been right. He had even warned Conner that workers would always find a reason to complain. All the negativity Conner sensed was natural. He simply needed to redirect it. The people needed a new enemy.
When the workday was over and Conner’s team filed from the room, he stood near the door smiling and wishing them a good night. Most grunted in return. When they were gone, Conner slipped down to the vending machine on the bottom floor. He purchased nine ice cream sandwiches and took a plastic knife from the lunchroom. Back in the office, Conner carefully sliced the top off each ice cream sandwich and set one on the desk in every cubicle – ice cream side down.
Conner included his own desk and was strategic in the ice cream placement. He kept them away from electronics and from the edge of the desks where the ice cream might melt onto the floor. He cleaned up the unused ice cream pieces and wrappers and nervously left for home.
Conner made sure he was not the first person to arrive in the office the next morning. He sat in the parking lot until he watched three of his workers enter the building. Then, still wearing his tie, he showed up fourth. The room was filled with cries of, “What a mess!” and “Who would do this?”
“What’s going on?” asked Conner.
“Someone left melted ice cream on our desks!”
“What? On all the desks?” Conner had practiced sounding outraged. He stormed into his cubicle and yelled, “Yep! They got me too! Somebody’s going to pay for this!”
Conner was active in the cleanup effort, rushing to find towels and spray bottles. One moment he was saying, “Oh, it’s not that bad, it cleans right up,” and in the next moment he was saying, “We must have made an enemy. Who would want to do something this terrible?”
“It doesn’t make any sense,” Deena said, wiping melted ice cream from a reimbursement form.
“I noticed some of the janitors looking at us funny. You think it could be them?” Conner said.
“Why would anyone act so childish?”
Conner felt a nervous bead of sweat forming over his eyebrow. No one was buying the common enemy theory. He tried a slightly different angle. “What if somebody is mad at me, you know, because of my new position. Instead of going after me directly, they’re taking it out on everyone.”
“We could look at security footage and find out,” Cedric suggested.
Conner nearly swallowed his tongue. “I guess we could, but maybe we shouldn’t make such a big deal out of it. So what if somebody hates us? A prank can’t bring us down.”
No one cheered or shared any new suggestions on who might have left the melted ice cream. Conner only heard grumbling as the mess was wiped away. Had he gone too far? Maybe he should have eased them into the prank by starting with overturned waste baskets and missing chairs. Or maybe he should have completely ignored Che. He could not shake the nagging feeling Che was messing with his head. Conner decided he would take down the pictures and return the office supplies at the end of the day.
Before Conner had the chance to do any rearranging, two visitors showed up in the office before quitting time. Conner recognized Brick Havens from a picture he had pulled up from the company website. Brick was accompanied by an assistant who followed two steps behind him. Conner hurried over to introduce himself.
“You’re Conner Stubbs?” Brick asked after shaking hands. “I must have got you confused with someone else. I didn’t mean for you to be acting manager.”
The color drained from Conner’s face and his jaw dropped. Brick looked around nervously like he was trying to spot the person intended for the job. He generously applied lip balm and smacked his lips together. Then he spotted Conner’s framed photos.
“What’s with the pictures?” asked Brick.
“They’re supposed to make everyone comfortable with me,” Conner replied miserably. “Show them I’m their friend and leader.”
Conner expected Brick to laugh sarcastically. Instead, Brick stepped closer to one of the frames and studied it.
“Interesting idea. Where did it come from?”
“All great leaders do it,” replied Conner. He wanted to use some examples; he decided against Castro and Kim Jung Un. “You know like Presidents of the United States.”
Brick turned to his assistant. “I want my picture in all the offices I manage. Since I’m new in the job, I want people to get to know me.”
Then Brick took a long look at Conner before saying, “You know, Stubbs, you might be right for the manager job after all. Let’s try it for a while and see what else you come up with.”
Conner’s face instantly glowed like a light switch had been turned on inside his head. “I’ve already got tons of ideas.” He pictured Che sitting in the McDonald’s booth. “And a bunch more where those came from.”
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