Apple Picking Pictures
APPLE PICKING PICTURES – October 5, 2024 – Hillsborough, New Jersey, USA
Students stared drowsily at the words in their 11th-grade level English textbooks as the afternoon dragged like a video at 1/10th speed. When the final bell rang, it was as if the doors to a prison sprang open. Students scrambled to get as far away as possible.
If Myron Hanks knew what was waiting on the other side of the classroom door, he would have chosen different clothes that morning and done something with his hair. He may have applied some irresistible Axe Body Spray. As it was, he walked out smelling unremarkable and wearing a forgettable long-sleeve shirt advertising Coney Island.
“Hey, can I talk to you for a second?” asked Kira DiAmatto. She stood right in front of him twisting her blonde hair and flashing her bleached teeth.
Myron looked around, assuming she had to be talking to someone else. She stared back at him until he pointed a finger at himself in a “Me?” gesture.
“Yes, you. Myron Hanks.”
“You know my full name?”
Kira giggled playfully. “Of course. And I heard that you own an apple orchard.”
Myron struggled with a response. “Uh, yeah. Well, it’s not really mine. It’s my family’s.”
“I’d love to see it.”
“You would?”
“Apple orchards are perfect for pictures. Do you take lots of pictures?”
“Not really.”
“Well, could I come over and take some pictures?” Kira asked flirtatiously. “Maybe bring some friends with me?”
“You wanna come to my house? With me there?”
“Yeah, with you there. How about this Saturday? In the afternoon. I’ll give you my number so we can text about it.”
“Okay.” Myron quickly pulled his phone from his pocket and handed it to Kira so she could type in her numbers. After she walked away with a promise to see him that weekend, he stared at the digits, hoping they were real. Kira DiAmatto’s number. In his phone.
When it came to the pecking order in Myron’s high school, Kira was at the very top. Everything she did was cute and enviable. She was popular with a capital “P”. Myron, on the other hand, struggled to be seen as merely average. He had a steady work ethic and plenty of great survival skills. He was amazing on a tractor and experienced in many classic card games like Whist and Cribbage. Unfortunately, none of his strongest traits carried him far up the teenage social ladder.
No one could blame Myron for jumping to a million irrational conclusions about Kira’s visit to his orchard. He tried explaining to his parents just how big a deal it was.
“It’s Kira DiAmatto. She’s like the most beautiful, coolest girl in school and she’s coming on Saturday to see me and the orchard.” As Myron got the words out, even the thought of being alone with Kira made him nervous.
Having never met Kira DiAmatto, Myron’s parents were less susceptible to her charms. Their first concern was the ongoing apple harvest and the help they needed from Myron.
“We gotta get the apples off the trees,” Myron’s dad said dryly. “We don’t have time for you to be running around with some girl on a Saturday.”
“It would only be for a little while. This is the chance of a lifetime.”
Myron promised to work extra hard if he could simply take a short break to be with Kira. He pleaded until his father relented and said, “As long as you don’t take too long.”
Myron swore they would hardly notice he was not picking apples.
The family’s property sat next to a two-lane road that got little traffic. Three hundred apple trees surrounded the rear and both sides of their house. A storage barn stood next to the house and in front of a gravel covered parking area. During the three days when he obsessed over Kira’s upcoming visit, Myron pulled a wooden trailer from the barn and attached it to a tractor. He outfitted the trailer with picturesque hay bales and wooden creates.
Behind his house, he set up cozy chairs and blankets around a firepit that sat under a chestnut tree. He made sure homemade apple pie and ice cream were ready in the refrigerator. Then he surveyed the orchard for the best-looking rows of trees filled with the fattest, unpicked red apples. He carried three-legged ladders to an ideal spot and fantasized about Kira climbing one while he took her picture.
At 3:00 on Saturday, Kira texted that she was running late but would be there in another half hour. Myron waited anxiously in front of the barn with a good view of the road. The family dog, a Labrador Retriever named Ajax, stood next to him anticipating a visitor. Ajax’s feet were muddy from tromping through puddles left by a recent rainstorm. Myron hoped Kira would appreciate the authenticity Ajax added to the scenery.
In an attempt to look his best, Myron had changed into a pair of clean jeans and a flannel shirt. His teeth were freshly brushed but he wondered if he should brush them again. He also wondered if Kira would show up alone or with friends. And if it was with friends, would they be girls he knew?
Myron snapped to attention when a silver SUV slowed down on the highway and rolled onto the gravel in front of the barn. Three people sat inside. The SUV stopped and Kira slid out of the driver’s seat wearing a burnt-orange sweater and dark yoga pants. She gestured to the person in the front passenger seat and then walked to that side of the car. The second person slowly opened the door and stepped out. A guy! Myron recognized him as Brad Seacrest. Kira leaned up and pecked Brad on the cheek with a kiss.
Myron’s disillusioned shoulders slumped. Kira had brought a guy she was now kissing. Myron had thought of this as kind of a date – a date with Kira and him, not Kira and Brad Seacrest. Myron eyed Brad with hatred. They were barely acquaintances. Brad lived on the other side of town. He was tall, had dark curly hair, and was undeniably good looking. He wore a flannel shirt similar to Myron’s but filled it out more impressively.
“Hi Myron!” Kira shouted with a fake smile. “This is Brad.”
Myron nodded indifferently as the visitors walked toward him with Kira wrapped around Brad’s arm. Ajax, still standing next to Myron, waved his tail excitedly and awaited permission to greet the guests. “Ajax, go say hi to Brad,” Myron called.
Ajax darted forward and leaped on Brad with muddy paws. He left Brad a mess before turning his attention to Kira’s SUV. He barked wildly and the sound was echoed by short yaps coming from inside the car. The SUV’s third passenger, still in the backseat, held up a terrified looking Chihuahua.
“That’s Loren and my dog, Sprinkles,” Kira said in a voice less friendly than her initial greeting. “Loren’s here to hold the camera. Sprinkles is here to look cute, but I don’t think she’ll get out of the car with your dog around. Can you put him someplace?”
Myron’s face looked stunned by the boldness of the request, but he said, “I guess I can lock him in the backyard.”
“That’s great. And we’ll convince Loren and Sprinkles to get out of the car.”
Myron dragged Ajax to the backyard and attached his collar to a rope that kept him tethered. When Myron returned to Kira’s SUV, Sprinkles was sniffing at the ground. Loren Cohn, who Myron recognized from school, unloaded bags from the back of the SUV.
“What’s all that stuff?” Myron asked.
Kira replied like she was talking to a baggage handler at a hotel. “Photo supplies. Different clothes. A little popup tent for changing.” She paused to take in her surroundings. “Look at all this nature. Feels like a whole different world. Where should we go first?”
“I got a trailer ready with a tractor,” Myron said as he looked jealously at Brad. “I was thinking you might want to ride out to the trees on that.”
“Oooo, a tractor sounds totally on theme,” Kira said, before ordering Brad and Loren to gather up the supplies and follow Myron.
He led them around the barn to the waiting wagon. Kira and Sprinkles climbed on first and Kira arranged the bags in a way only she understood. Myron hopped on the tractor and started the engine. After Loren boarded the wagon and sat on a hay bale, Brad used his long legs to step onto the rear edge. Before Brad could balance himself, Myron saw a chance to repay him for ruining the afternoon. Myron popped the tractor’s clutch and the trailer jerked forward. Brad fell backward and ended up on his hands and knees in a shallow puddle.
“Sorry ‘bout that!” Myron shouted. “I thought you were on!” He laughed to himself as Kira fussed over how dirty Brad looked.
When a flustered Brad finally boarded the wagon, Myron drove slowly into the orchard. He found the row where he had planted ladders and stopped the wagon between two trees loaded with apples. “How about this?” he called, cutting the tractor’s engine.
Kira and Loren busily chatted about the best photo angles and what kinds of shots they wanted. “Let’s start with apple closeups and then we’ll get you picking some,” Loren concluded.
Kira motioned toward Brad. “You can’t be looking like a pig. Change into another outfit while we get these shots.”
Brad huffed and said, “Am I supposed to change in front of everyone?”
“Use the popup tent. That’s why I brought it.”
Brad shot Myron an embarrassed look as he fumbled with setting up the six-foot tall tent and then ducked inside to swap pants and shirts. Meanwhile, Kira posed next to an apple tree as Loren took endless stills and videos.
“Let’s do some with Sprinkles and Brad,” Loren suggested.
Loren positioned Brad and the dog around Kira and ordered everyone to smile. Myron was told to hold a deflecting panel on one side of Kira’s face so the light was better. Kira used her phone to look at some of the results and criticized Brad’s facial expressions. While she did some shots running with Sprinkles between rows of trees, Brad groaned and stood next to Myron. “I didn’t want to do this,” he said under his breath. “I’m sorry we’re wasting your time. She should be paying you or something.”
As Kira shouted at Loren, Myron chuckled to himself and blushed a little as he remembered how differently he hoped the afternoon would go. It took less than an hour to see Kira in a much different light. When she stopped her latest staged run with Sprinkles, Myron pointed down at her shoes and said, “Looks like you’ve got cow manure on them. We use that for fertilizer.”
Kira yelped and ordered Sprinkles to stop sniffing the ground. After changing her shoes, Kira insisted on climbing a ladder standing next to a third tree. She said to Loren, “Get video of me going up and then circle around me.”
“Let me set up the ladder just right,” Myron volunteered.
Having plenty of experience setting the third extendable leg on the apple-picking ladders, Myron knew exactly how to make them stable or unstable. He intentionally chose an awkward angle for Kira’s ladder. She climbed while looking down at Loren’s phone and wearing a sappy smile. Halfway up, the ladder leaned and toppled away from the tree. Loren caught the scream and Kira’s angry tirade as she picked herself off the ground. Brad smiled behind her back.
“Those can be tricky,” Myron said. “You should try again.”
“No more ladders!” Kira shouted. “I want more video on the back of the wagon. With me standing like I’m floating between the trees.”
“No problem,” Myron said helpfully.
Kira seemed to have forgotten about Brad’s tumble. With Loren filming from the front of the wagon, Kira stood near the back with outstretched arms and a fake smile. She ordered Myron to drive forward. He flashed a thumbs up sign and expertly worked the tractor’s clutch and brake so that Kira first jerked forward and then tumbled backwards into a mud patch.
“Sorry!” Myron yelled. He shared a secret smirk with Brad.
“Look at me!” Kira cried in disgust. “Loren, bring my clothes bag.” She disappeared into the popup changing tent with Sprinkles and Loren hurried to deliver a fresh outfit.
Emboldened by his tractor stunt, Myron hurried home and released Ajax from his leash. The dog ran straight for the orchard and collided with the popup tent like a guided missile.
Ajax and Sprinkles barked furiously. Kira, who was again lying on the ground and in the middle of changing sweaters, screamed for Myron to control his dog. Loren was savvy enough to record everything.
After Myron pulled Ajax away from the scene and Kira emerged from under the tent, she caught Brad laughing. “You think it’s funny?” she screamed.
“Yes, it is funny.”
“Maybe I should have brought somebody else.”
“Maybe you should have.”
“Well, maybe you should find your own way home.”
“Maybe I will.”
That was the end of the photoshoot. Kira refused to get back on the wagon. She and Loren carried all their supplies back to the SUV. Myron and Brad followed slowly behind them with the tractor. True to her threat, Kira drove off without another word, leaving Brad behind.
“I guess I should call someone for a ride,” Brad said to Myron after watching the girls leave.
“I can probably drive you home,” Myron offered.
“That would be great.”
“Would you like some apple pie first? I’ve got that and homemade ice cream in the kitchen.”
“That sounds good right now.” As they walked toward Myron’s house, Brad added, “This day didn’t go as I expected.”
“For me either.”
“It was kinda funny though. You’re pretty good with your tractor. You ever driven buggies, like on a dirt track?”
“No, never.”
“My family’s got one. You should come try sometime.”
“Very cool. How about I come over after apple picking season?”
Postscript. After Kira calmed down, she and Loren reviewed the pictures and videos from the apple orchard. Loren came up with the idea for a blooper video combining all of Kira’s falls and tumbles. The video went viral after Kira posted it on her social media accounts, pulling in many more views and new followers than the more carefully posed shots. Kira never thanked Myron for the results.
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