A Pirate’s Life for Me?
A PIRATE’S LIFE FOR ME? – June 12, 2024 – Los Cabos, Mexico
The first boats out of the Cabo San Lucas harbor belonged to the serious sport fishermen looking for marlin and tuna. The pleasure yachts left at a more leisurely pace with nowhere in particular to go. The tour boats, carrying sightseers to The Arch and Lover’s Beach, followed more predictable schedules but allowed plenty of time for customers to sleep late and feast on hotel breakfasts.
The Dread Pirate’s Revenge bobbed next to the harbor’s floating walkway, ready for its morning ration of snorkelers. The boat’s name was as misleading as its two pretend sails and fake wooden cannons. It was not designed for speed or combat. Its gas-powered engines and wide shape were meant to slowly haul fifty passengers along the coastline. But the pirate theming, including a Jolly Roger flag and an extendable plank, proved an irresistible tourist lure. The Dread Pirate’s morning and afternoon bookings stayed full.
Steve Fleming arrived on board an hour before the 10 am departure time. It was his second day working for the tour company owned by a family friend. He moved from Southern California looking for adventure and a change of scenery. He loved the ocean and talking about history and his new job let him spend time in the water while telling pirate stories.
During Steve’s first day, he tagged along with other crew members and was told to learn as much as possible. On his second day, he was already in charge of passenger relations. He would be joined by two native Mexican crew members, Sebastian and Maria. Sebastian would mostly stay out of sight driving the boat while Maria quietly looked after the snorkeling gear. They left it to Steve to talk with the American customers.
Precisely at departure time, thirty guests marched from the ticket office and onto the boat. Twenty-eight of them were from the U.S. and the other two from Canada. They arrived wearing swimsuits and carrying phones and other valuables.
“Welcome! You’re about to have the most legal fun you can in Cabo,” Steve said in a nasally voice to everyone stepping onboard. He shaved his head because he was prematurely balding. As he spoke, he looked like an animated turtle poking its smooth neck and head out its shell. He explained they would spend most of their time on the main deck but they were welcome to climb a spiral staircase to an observation deck behind the cabin where Sebastian steered the boat. When they reached the snorkeling site, they would lower the flat platform at the rear of the boat to make it easy to get in and out of the water.
“No one gave me a snorkel yet,” one passenger complained.
“We’ll hand them out when we get there. For now, find a seat on the deck benches.” Steve continued smiling and tried to make everyone feel comfortable. He knew any cash tips at the end of the trip depended on his attentiveness.
One especially friendly passenger sat near the boat’s stern. He introduced himself as Lynn, from Peachtree City, Georgia. His wife and three adult children sat nearby as he reminisced about the buffet at their all-inclusive resort.
“Mexico sure ain’t the way it used to be,” Lynn said to his kids. “Now it feels like we’re in California. We’re gettin’ the sanitized, Disney version of Mexico.”
Steve overheard and asked Lynn about their resort hotel and then complimented the choice.
“We gonna see some real pirates today?” Lynn asked with a laugh.
Steve grinned in return and replied, “We’re supposed to be the pirates. We’re the ones aboard the pirate ship. And if we’re lucky we’ll find some hidden treasure.”
“When are you passin’ out the swords and eye patches?”
Steve laughed and said, “That reminds me. We need to get our life jackets on.”
Steve and Maria quickly passed out life jackets and Steve demonstrated how tightly they should fit. With all passengers equipped, the boat eased away from the dock and chugged toward the dark blue waters of the Pacific. Steve picked up a microphone so his voice could be heard over the churn of the motor.
“Wave to the people onshore,” Steve called, pointing toward the shops and condominiums lining the harbor. “I want you to imagine we’ve just looted the city and now we’re making our escape.”
Steve had thirty minutes to entertain his guest before they motored up to the shallow snorkeling waters of Chileno Bay. His boss had not provided a script and Steve planned to keep things light and fun as if he was narrating a Jungle Cruise boat ride at Disneyland. He pointed out the rock formation known as The Arch sitting at the very tip of the Baja Peninsula. Then he made a joke about the adjacent beaches, Lover’s Beach and Divorce Beach.
“This very spot was prime hunting grounds for pirates in the late 1500’s. Spanish galleons loaded with treasure from the Philippines crossed the Pacific and followed the Baja coast south. Pirates hid in the Cabo San Lucas Bay and when a galleon came around The Arch, they chased them down.”
“Right here in this very spot? They were shootin’ cannonballs at each other right here?” Lynn asked in surprise.
“Good pirates didn’t shoot much,” Steve continued authoritatively. “They used intimidation to get ships to surrender.”
He described some of the famous ships and captains to sail in the Los Cabos waters. He got lost in a story of a plundered galleon and then remembered he was supposed to include chocolate and tequila tasting in his narration. With Maria’s help, they passed around chocolate samples and tequila shots. Steve worked chocolate and tequila into the pirate story by saying they were some of the Mexican commodities found on Spanish galleons.
“You might be wondering why the galleons didn’t completely avoid Los Cabos,” Steve added thoughtfully. “The river outlet at San Jose del Cabo, northeast of here, was an important source of fresh water. The water was worth losing a few ships to pirates and wrecks. Now we have the remains of lost galleons all along this coast. We’ll be snorkeling in Chileno Bay where one went down. If you keep your eyes open, there’s a good chance you’ll see some pieces-of-eight or jewelry in the sand.”
“Are you serious or you just tellin’ stories?” Lynn asked with sincere curiosity.
“Everything I’ve told you about galleons and pirates is true,” Steve replied matter-of-factly.
As the Dread Pirate’s Revenge churned northeast, its passengers had no idea that a small fishing boat was cruising southwest on an intercept course. Two locals, Diego and his friend, Salazar, were onboard and wearing bandanas as masks. They borrowed the boat from an unsuspecting owner that kept it docked in the San Jose del Cabo harbor.
The past month had been tough for Diego. He lost his construction job and spent much of his time sitting around the public Chileno Beach. He watched boats anchored 400 meters offshore dumping rich Americano tourists into the water and then hauling them back in. The boats moved sluggishly and arrived at the same time every day.
Diego and Salazar joked about robbing the helpless tourists. For Diego, it truly was a joke. He had never stolen a thing in his life. His friend took the joke more seriously. He had some experience robbing houses and knew where they could grab a lightly guarded boat. No one would expect them. They could disappear just as quickly as they appeared.
The crazy idea took on a life of its own and Diego felt dragged by the momentum. He and Salazar had grabbed a fast-looking boat, just like they planned, and now he was bouncing over waves as his friend held the steering wheel. Diego tightened his bandana to ensure it did not fly off in the wind. He felt the plastic toy gun squeezed between his back and waistband.
Steve’s snorkeling boat arrived at their usual spot at their usual time. He and Maria began passing out snorkel gear and pointing passengers to the lockable storage shelves as a place to leave their valuables. Suddenly, Diego’s speedboat pulled alongside with Diego waving his arms and yelling something about an emergency. Steve and Maria were unsure how to react. Without warning, Diego crawled onto the bow of his boat and leaped onto the flat platform at the rear of the Dread Pirate’s Revenge which was meant to assist snorkelers in and out of the water.
With everyone on the main deck of the snorkeling boat watching, Diego got to his feet holding a plastic garbage bag. In broken English, he demanded everyone put their money, phones, and watches into the bag. He pulled the toy gun from behind his back to show he was serious.
All passengers looked at Steve for instructions and some indication whether this was a genuine robbery or part of a pirate-themed show. Steve froze. It was only his second day. The robbery could very well be a part of the show no one had told him about. It had not happened on the first day, but maybe it did not happen every time. He glanced at Maria for guidance but she shrugged her shoulders almost indifferently.
Lynn looked at a clearly flustered Steve and laughed. “Oh, I get it. Very clever. We are meeting some real pirates. I don’t think that’s a real gun, but I guess we should cooperate.” Lynn was standing next to Diego and he carefully dropped his phone, wallet, and watch into the bag. “Make sure nothing gets wet and I want it all back when this is over.”
When Steve saw Lynn’s reaction, he quickly decided the robbery had to be an act and he needed to play along. “That’s right everyone, I’ve warned you about pirates in these waters,” Steve said good naturedly. “We better do what they say and I’m sure everything will turn out fine.”
The other passengers smiled as they put their valuables in the bag. Some asked Diego to please be careful and not to get things mixed up. One of Lynn’s sons asked Steve if they were supposed to find some lost treasure to negotiate the return of all their stuff.
Diego smiled in amazement under his bandana. The tourists put up much less of a fight than he anticipated. After collecting from each passenger, unexpectedly, he tied up the garbage bag and tossed it to his friend waiting in the smaller boat. Then Diego jumped into the water, swam a few strokes, and climbed up the small boat’s side. Salazar gunned the motor and they sped away.
“What about our stuff?” one passenger cried.
“I’m sure they’ll be back,” Lynn replied reassuringly. “All part of the show. I saw something like this at Universal Studios years ago.”
“Yeah, not to worry,” Steve chimed in. “For now, concentrate on getting in the water. You’ve got lots of fish to identify. And maybe you’ll find some treasure you can use to barter.”
The thirty snorkelers remained distracted for the next hour. They worried about swallowing too much saltwater and whether they were seeing the prettiest fish. They asked Steve about sea turtles. Some of them spotted the fake treasure chests anchored to the sea floor not far from the boat’s location. They were just out of reach for anyone without scuba gear.
Steve called for everyone to return to the boat so they could make it back to Cabo San Lucas on schedule. As passengers removed snorkel fins and masks, they asked about their possessions dropped in Diego’s sack. Steve looked around but the small fishing boat was nowhere in sight.
“We can’t leave this spot until we get our stuff back,” one worried passenger insisted.
“We have to get back to town. I’m sure everything we’ll be fine,” Steve replied with plenty of uncertainty in his voice.
Steve’s confusion was not lost on Lynn. His attitude quickly changed. Instead of laughing off the robbery as a clever show prank, he shouted about calling the police.
“This ain’t funny! If our stuff’s really gone, somebody’s got to pay. If I’d have known it was real, I would have tackled that guy and thrown him off the boat.” Lynn pointed at Steve. “It’s your fault we went along with it.”
“Everyone calm down,” Steve begged without using the boat’s microphone. “It’s all going to work out. How about I tell more pirate stories?”
As the Dread Pirate’s Revenge limped toward port, Steve droned helplessly about Mexico in the 1500s. His angry passengers only thought of missing phones and money. Just as Cabo San Lucas came into view, a small boat approached from behind at high speed. Diego and Salazar were inside, still wearing masks. When they got close to the larger snorkeling boat and matched its speed, Diego tossed the plastic bag filled with passenger loot onto the deck. As Diego’s boat peeled away and disappeared, there was a mad scramble to rip open the bag and reclaim phones and wallets.
Once the smaller boat was headed northeast toward the San Jose del Cabo harbor, Diego shouted to his friend that they made the right decision. For the past hour, they had argued over what to do after the robbery. Salazar wanted to run the borrowed boat up a deserted beach and travel on foot. They would divide up the stuff in the bag and sell what they could.
Diego lost his nerve as he thought about the watches and phones the passengers surrendered. Where could they sell them without leaving a trace? The Americans would make big trouble with the police. A camera at the dock might have caught he and Salazar borrowing the boat. It was all sure to catch up with Diego, so he begged his friend to turn around and simply throw the stuff back. They swore and called each other names, but eventually Salazar agreed. If their new plan worked, they would return the boat without being noticed. The tourists would take back their valuables and laugh like they had when putting them in the bag. Diego’s life of crime would be over barely after it began.
Back aboard the Dread Pirate’s Revenge, all returned phones still worked and no cash was missing from wallets. Lynn laughed the loudest and was the first to apologize to Steve.
“You had me scared there for a while! I’m sorry I didn’t believe you when you said things would work out.”
“That’s okay. I’m glad you enjoyed the trip,” Steve replied graciously.
“You put on a great show. My heart was racing. It was the first authentic thing I’ve seen since I’ve been here.”
As passengers stepped off the boat, they were very generous with tips. Lynn handed Steve two $100 bills and promised to send all his friends for the tour.
Steve counted out the money and thought about the upcoming afternoon trip. Now that he could anticipate modern-day pirates invading the boat, he would make the build up more dramatic. Maybe he would pretend to fight with them. It would all be unrehearsed, but the bandits were clearly professional actors who could handle some adlibbing.
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